Captain my Captain

The time has come. He will be gone. Off to search, to find, to amuse, to grow. My child. My number 2. My only child at home company for the last 3 years and I love him. I. LOVE. HIM. and I will miss him. Journalism is his new adventure. Ottawa his new life.

I remember when he was born and would not breathe. I remember him being loaded into the infant transport crib. When I saw him again they had shaved his head for IVs. I remember walking into the NICU for 10 straight days holding my breath, heart in my hand and sighing with relief at his sight. I remember his Dad looking into the bassinet saying "Benjamin, you are ridiculously small". I remember sitting on the glider to feed him and I remember my Dad arriving to see him on the day he came home.

I remember he had to be swaddled so tightly otherwise he would not sleep. I remember giving him Gravol at 11 months because I was exhausted and was going back to work so he NEEDED to let me sleep. I remember how he would wake up and pull to stand on the crib bar and bounce up and down loudly so we would know he was awake. I remember his first word - chacnono, chocolate for the rest of us.

I have an vivid image of him on the beach at Rathtrevor, diaper heavy and full of sand. The first time we went he didn't even walk so he would crawl around the parking lot eating rocks. I remember him seating with Santa at age 2, candy cane in his hand for an entire party so that every kid's picture with Santa had him in it too.

I remember him in elementary school, defiant at his First Communion, the only one not wearing the standard robe but proud in his blue suit. I remember his doubt at the religion being taught and his inquiring mind requiring clarification. I remember his non-sequitur brief but frequent one liner questions around sex at age 6. He required simple answers so I gave them and then he would walk away holding on to his new knowledge until another one popped in his head. I remember him challenging his teachers, loving to learn.

In high school he has found his place. He LOVES St. George's, loves his teachers, loves the clubs, loves it all. At Model UN he shines and likes to argue. He HATES Trump but LOVES the politics. He can have a conversation that leaves you knowing you have been heard. He is compassionate and kind and aware. I remember him lying on my bed talking about Head boy elections and his plans on what he would do if he had a chance. I yelled loudly when he was announced and he was still shaking when he came off the stage, the comments we heard were "He is a great guy, he is so humble, there are no airs about him, his peers made an excellent choice" As Captain he is part of his community, he is humble indeed but mostly he is unabashedly himself.

So, Captain my Captain, you are my extraordinary and to quote Siltanen yet again:

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

I. LOVE. YOU.