7 year old today. "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Yes, her name is Megan" "That's great" "Yes, she is special and she loves me" "Wonderful, how do you know that she loves you?" " She gives me water balloons" ..... THERE YOU GO, the TRUE measure of love? WATER
BALLOONS!
Wearing camo lululemons today in clinic. 8 year old walks in and says "Why are you wearing camouflage pants?" Jokingly I say "Because I like to hunt kids with my nerf guns" -- he smiles and says "Do you have any here, can you hunt me?" Note to self: need to stop at dollar store on my way home to get supplies. Forget injuries, hunting is the new approach to rapport.
Sometimes to establish rapport with kids in clinic I go over their "injuries" monkey bars calluses, knee bruises etc.. (I know it is not in any pediatric training manual but it works). Today's 4 year old, came in and LOUDLY announced that he had gone camping that is why he had SOOOO many mosquito bites. "That's nothing I have a huge bruise on my leg from my bike" (I do, it's a huge 7 cm diameter -no joke- bike pedal bite bruise from a little fall I had) I said as I pulled up my pant to show him. He looks at it, looks at me and says: "You need to put your training wheels back on"
Kelowna outreach - 5 today year old had her shoes on the wrong feet so I say: “Oh, oh, your feet are in the wrong shoes, make sure you don’t trip” and she says “Dr. Lopez you can trip even when your feet are in the right shoes” 😕 INDEED
Comment from the 5 year old du jour - "Dr. Lopez you are pretty and you look good in blue but you suck at Connect Four". I was letting him win btw :), see why I love my job?
Yesterday I had a raspberry war with the daily 3 year old. Today I got hugs and wiped the noses of both the 9 am 4 year old and the 1 pm 5 year old. Despite my obsession with hand washing I should be commended for diligently working on bolstering my immunity.
I just saw five-year-old and I'm struggling to get in and out of the little pediatric chairs because my butt hurts from biking and she asks what's wrong so I say I went for a long bike ride yesterday and it was REALLY hard. She responds oh I know, biking is REALLY hard, do you have training wheels? They help!
The day has come, today a 5 year old looked at the push button phone on the wall in the clinic room and asked - "what is this?"
Things that are good about a broken collarbone according to today’s 5 year old: 1) people feed you ice cream 🍦 2) you don't have to drive (or bike) anywhere 🚲🚙 3) you can walk really slow 🐢 BUT more importantly 4) you can dance 🎶 👯 like a seal (we can't find the seal emoji but you get the visual right?)
I had a five-year-old in clinic today. He told me he had two cats their names are Jamal and Dexter. Out of all of the cat names in the world he chose these two!!!
I got to do a whole consult with my little itty bitty 3 year old patient sitting on my lap facing me while he hugged me. I patted his back and his mum told me his story. Perfect day so far!
Today's 8 year old. Me: "How's Grade 3 going?" Him: "It is really stressful" Me: "Oh, how come?" Him: "Its really hard to understand what girls like"
Last hour of the working day/year with 3 1/2 year old. We stand before the open toy cupboard: "What would you like to play with?" She pulls out the toy baby and says "Baby". Me: "Great, you can change his diaper". Takes baby to exam table, takes diaper off and says: "Oh, oh, this baby has no penis". I think I'm going to be very bored for the next two weeks.
Comment from the 6 year old du jour before I examined her and repeatedly warned her to be prepared as my hands are always very very cold. "No problem I live in the Yukon, I'm used to super cold"
I ask today's 6 year old - "Do you have a good friend in Grade 1?" "Yes, his name is Mason" "Great do you have a girlfriend?" "Yes her name is Olivia" "That is great do you think you will marry her someday?" He gives me this WTF?!?! look and says "NO! You don't go to school to get married you got to school to learn!" -
This morning's 6 year old: "So, do you have a girlfriend?" "NO WAY!, girls are gross!" "All girls? Not all of them are gross are they?" "No, not all of them" "Maybe, someday you'd like to marry one of them, would you like to get married someday?" "The only girl I would ever marry is BATGIRL!!!!" I. Love. My. Job.
Today's 6 year old: Me: "So do you have a girlfriend?" Him: "No I don't but you are pretty, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
A testament to Vancouver. Today's assessment with 7 year old, he builds a big tall Lego house and then throws a plastic ziploc bag on it. When I asked why he covered it he says: "It has a problem, it is a leaky condo"
Today's 7 year old walks into clinic with two identical stuffies (two cats) so I say "Wow those are great! What are their names?" "Checkers is a boy and Honey is a girl", she says while showing me. "Great you got one of each, how do you know which one is the boy and which one is the girl?" "Well, with stuffies you can tell a boy from a girl because the girl always has long eyelashes" Who knew?!? Kaoru- no need for the penis inspector license anymore.
Today's 7 year old. Me: "So what Grade are you in?" Him: "Well, right now I'm not in any Grade cause the teachers are not working. I don't know what to do. I think I am going to have to get in touch with them"
Today's 7 year old; "How old are you Dr. Lopez?" "You tell me, how old do you think I am?" "34!" .............. Today is a good day.
Lesson from today's 7 year old after my comment that the picture in the book I was showing him was of a turtle. "No Dr. Lopez, that is NOT a turtle it is a tortoise. You should know turtles swim, tortoises are land animals" #gottarenewmysubscriptiontoNatGeo
Assessing 8 year old. We are finished and heading out the door which he holds open for me. I say: "Thank you so much for holding the door for me" to which he responds "I always like to help out the old ladies" Ahhhhhhh ...... back at work and looooving it! :)
This afternoon in clinic: I had brothers in the exam room sitting side by side on the exam table, ages 8 and 10. I say to the 10 year old "You are going to have to take your pants off because I need to have a look" He asks: "You need to see my penis?!" I say "Yes, but don't worry, it is a very quick look." The 8 year old brother turns to him and says "Yes, she needs to look at your penis, but don't worry she is a doctor, the government gives her permission to do that"
Today with the eight-year-old: "So, do you think you might marry one of the girls in your Grade 2 class?" "Yes, but I have to wait until I am 15 because that's when boys get taller than girls and husbands are supposed to be taller than wives."
Today's 8 year old. Me: "So, you have girlfriend?" "No way, yuck." Me again: "Well yuck for now but maybe someday?" "No, I don't need a girlfriend." "How about when you are 50?" Him: "No, the only thing I will need when I am fifty is a driver's license."
10 year old walks in and asks: "Dr Lopez am I going to get a needle?" "I don't think so" "You don't think so?!?' Is that a maybe?! Because I'm ready to negotiate" "What do you mean negotiate?" He gives me a look and pulls two Hershey kisses out of his pocket. I turn to Mum who shrugs her shoulders and says: "His idea"
Today's 10 year old: "So, do you have a girlfriend?" "OF COURSE I do, but she doesn't know it and I think she hates me" "Oh no, what happened?" "Well, I haven't told her she is my girlfriend and every time I chase her she runs away"
Ego boost from today's 10 year old: "You are beautiful and you know what? You have a BIG brain too!"
Kiddo today: Grade 1. Me: "So you have a girlfriend in Grade 1?" Him: "Yes, I like her a lot" Me: "Huh, why do you like her so much?" Him: "Cause she wears glasses and likes to talk about hockey" #whatmorecouldyouwant
Yesterday's kiddo. "Are you good with money?" "I don't have any" "How come?" "Well, I used to make money but then the plants started dying" Mum turns to me and says: "He overwatered them" Kid to Mum: "I did NOT overwater them, they always looked thirsty"
I am fashionably (or so I thought) dressed in black today. Black top, black skirt, tights and heels. I walk into clinic and my kiddo of the day asks: "Halloween is not until tomorrow, why are you already wearing your witch costume?"
Today's kiddo: "I hear you like names" "I do" "Great, my name is Elena, in English it's Helen. Did you know there is a world famous historical Elena? Do you know who she was?" "WOW, no I didn't .. was it YOU?!?!?!"
Kiddo today: Me: "Do you have a pet? "Yep I do, I have a dog" "Great, what's your dog's name?" "Are you delirious" .... insert confused look here. Me: "What do you mean?" "That is his name - are you delirious" I turn to Mum, who nods and confirms yes that is the dog's name.
I found my soul mate today - Grade 1 kiddo. Me: "Do you have a pet?" "Nope" "Would you like one?" "Yup" "What would you like to have?" "A pet pig" "Oh that's a great idea!" Him: "Well only for a while because then it would be bacon"
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