Practicing love

I have two children, both boys, both now teenagers. It is a household of males where emotions and talk of feelings  or "looooove" is received with a massive roll of the eyes, a derisive smirk and a long drawn out moooooooooooother. 

Over time they have come to tolerate my diatribes and indulge my questions but I can sense their aggravation at what they consider a "girly" emotional sentimental conversation.

We have had numerous conversations about sex. Believe me, these two are well informed. We have even in the past talked about whether a place to practice sex would be a good business (see previous blog Sex and Minecraft), because practice makes perfect. Or at least it should right? Yet they never ask about love. They probably feel that love doesn't need to be taught, that they will figure it out. That it will just happen.

Because of this, I've been wondering, when someone breaks their heart, as it will inevitably happen in life, will they one day come to me asking about love? Will they come into my room one day, sit down grief stricken at the end of my bed and sigh? Will they one day come to me heavy hearted and heartbroken and ask: "Where do people go to learn about love? Where do people go to learn how to love?" "How can I practice love so I can be good at it?"

I will then have to say: You have been practising for many years, it started as an infant when you learned how to love me and your father. You practised when you loved your brother. You have practised when you loved your grandparents and cousins. You have practised some more when you loved your friends. 

On and on and on, you have practiced every time you encountered someone new that you liked and tried to love. You have been practicing for years, the problem with heartbreak is that love is not always reciprocal no matter how good you get at it.

I'll have to explain that the reason it is so hard to be good at love is because it comes in many shapes. I'll have to explain that there is that first love that washes over you like a sudden storm. There is love that embraces you like a warm hug but there is also that lustful love that makes you gasp and catch your breath. There is also that cryptic evasive love that leaves you always wondering where you stand.  There is forlorn love that makes you feel like you will always be empty. There is that unrequited love that makes you have to pull the car over to hold your heart but there is also the daily kind of love that makes you feel safe. 

I'll have to say that no matter how many times you try at love, every time love ends, regardless of how much practice you have put in you will always have to start again from scratch. I'll have to explain that after heartbreak love often does not look like love anymore but more like friendship and I'll have to explain that maybe friendship is the end result of all of those years of practicing love.