Room to grow.

2014 is ending, although the date is really arbitrary as there are always endings and beginnings. But it does cause pause for self-reflection.

It has been a happy year with the occasional stops for achievements and heartache. Love lost and love gained. Happy and sad moments.

I don't make resolutions, all of the published evidence says I will not keep them.

I could half-ass them and as I do with my to do list where I write something I have already done so I feel better. I could resolve to do something that I know is not that difficult and at least keep one of my resolutions. Debunk the science so to speak, but that would be cheating.

So what do I want out of the brand new spanking year?

I want room to grow (and I do not mean grow my behind).

I want room to inspire and be inspired.

I want room to love.

I want room to study, learn and accomplish.

I want room to forgive, repair and make amends.

I want room to see and enjoy my friends and appreciate them.

I want room to grow.

Happy endings.

This last weekend I spent WAY too much time on the Hallmark channel watching feel good movies. WAAAY too much time. Yes, that is what I do when I can't run outside because it is pissing rain, going to the gym to run on the treadmill is boring (plus it only takes two hours out of your day), I have baked my heart out (scones, muffins and shortbread) and it is STILL raining PLUS I feel like spending the whole day in my pajamas because it is STILL raining.

So the end result was a weekend of love-can-conquer-all intoxication and a two day you-are-the-ONLY-one-for-me hangover. Better than Tequila to achieve a feel good endorphin fuelled weekend.

However, the fact is that there are very few happy endings, most people do not get to walk off into the sunset while some inspiring music plays in the background. Even after a happy ending, most people in real life wonder. After all of the credits end most people (even in the best movie) will wake up the next day and wonder: did I do the right thing? is she/he REALLY the one?

If movies really showed us reality this is what they would show the morning after.

She/He really may NOT be the one because:

- who knew she/he snored like a truck!

-  this morning at breakfast she/he is chewing with her mouth open.

-  I just got a text from my ex-girlfriend/boyfriend and she/he wants me back.

Now, THAT is a lot more realistic but it doesn't sell so for now I will stick to the fake stuff on TV - at least on rainy days.

Things that I own

Whenever we think about ownership we think about things. Things you have, a car, a house, a mortgage.

Yesterday, I had to write an e-mail where I made a case for other types of "things" that I own and that I consider mine. After that I sat there pondering what else do I own? What else is mine and no one else's?

I own the day I decided to come to Canada.

I own that phone call and exhilarating feeling of accomplishment I felt when I defended my thesis and called my Dad from the UBC campus to say "I've done it, I passed"

I own that moment when I found out I was pregnant for the first time and did not tell anyone at all, no one at all. I wanted to sit with it for a while. This was mine.

I own the phone calls of expectation when Sebastian took his own long sweet time to arrive.

I own that day when Sebastian was 6 weeks old and we went to the beach on a cool June morning and we sat together, me with a book and him by my side.

I own the bewilderment of finding out that Benjamin was on his unexpected way and I own the abject fear of losing him after he was born.

I own my arrival at the airport after writing my RCPS exam and I own the time my Dad spent in front of the computer pushing the refresh button on the RCPSC website until my pass was made official.

I own the level headedness, company and friendship Michael has given me.

I own the frustration and anger I feel every time I see a child with special needs who is being bullied.

I own every mindful moment I have had that has reminded me to be mindful.

I own walks by a river, runs on the beach, biking on trails, dinners at sunset, looks out a window, cuddles on couches and sitting by fires.

I own all of my long talks with friends. I own my gratitude when friends listened.

I own the memories I have made with other people. Those are mine and maybe theirs if they want them, but they are mostly mine.

To sum it all up, I own the contentment of my life.

49

I am 49 today. I can feel my telomeres shortening and my Xs dropping. Here we go, the yearly review:  

Almost all of my friends are nerdy. The company of teenagers is both inspiring and infuriating, MOST of the time it is inspiring. I hang around with an exceptional group of strong women. Before judging, ask. Before judging, offer help. To quote Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are ..... believe them!" DO NOT let bad things happens TWICE - that is just DUMB! Forgive yourself if you let a bad thing happen twice. Even really ordinary things can be made to feel extraordinary. Lululemon was a shitty investment. Sometimes in life you get to walk just a little of the way together with someone you care for, let that be enough. Not everyone that you care for will appreciate you caring. Restorative yoga IS restorative. Experiencing loss, even when expected is profoundly painful. Turtles dwell in water, tortoises on land. Foot injuries SUUCCKK! The only way to heal from a foot injury is to STOP running. Listen to your doctor. If you can't run - spin. Not all great adventures make for great love stories.  Every once in while you've just got to pull the car over in order to hold your heart and catch your breath. KINDNESS trumps ALL. Kids speak truths, my behind does not fit on a pediatric chair. Stretchy leggings are oddly comforting. VERY few people make evidence based decision, most people act on beliefs. Educating antivaxers is the bane of my existence. According to published literature from NIH at my current age, I am unlikely to contribute to science in any meaningful way. Before ordering exome sequencing  - USE YOUR BRAIN, FIND A PATTERN! I want to be in Grade 8 again and have cool homework. #1 child turned out to be a looker, #2 also seems to be going in that direction, this of course is not terribly important but a revelation of the power of half of my DNA ;) they also turned out to be kind so that's a win-win. Not everybody has the capacity for self-reflection. The best definition of myself that I have ever read was found in a book about menopause called The Madwoman in the Volvo: "Until now, not being able to feel things has never been one of my copious personal flaws. I am for better or for worse a person driven by passions large and small." An apology has three parts: 1) Say I'm sorry 2) Admit what you did and say "I was wrong" AND 3) ASK: WHAT can I do to repair this? WHAT can I do to make this better? It seems most people (including me sometimes) often neglect the third part. There is nothing that is more annoying than lack of clarity. Lack of clarity happens, suck it up! According to Benjamin, I have already had crabbiness and I need to see other people, the kid seems to be a little overwhelmed with maternal love. ALWAYS find time for a morning hug. As in all previous years: ALWAYS find time to tell the ones you love that you do and the ones you miss that you miss them. At this age you begin to lose people, some to life, some to geography, some to circumstances - the difficult thing is that at this age that loss may be permanent. The poignancy of this life is that there is just this ONE life, don't squander love, don't squander time, we are all, slowly, but most assuredly, running out of summers and not always stopping, breathing in and taking the time to notice them. TODAY and EVERY day, as I did last year, I promise myself to take the time to notice. 

Oh, Oh, I ALMOST forgot ........ This year I became THE PROUD recipient of a Government of Canada (aka Kaoru Ohashi) issued Penis Inspector License. 

Happy birthday to me.

49 - 24 hours

I am 24 hours away from turning 49 (tomorrow I will post the hotly anticipated :) I am 49 blog post). Yesterday I left my jacket in the bathroom and lost my glasses somewhere. Then this morning I realized I did not have my wallet with me.

A few months ago I was e-mailing a colleague back and forth and one of his e-mails said: "Next Friday is my birthday and I am turning an age that seems almost impossible to believe. I CANNOT BELIEVE I am now this old." I picked up the phone and called him to say "Are you going to be 60? I am sorry" You know what his response was? It was "THANK YOU, you are the ONLY person who has hit the right sentiment." He was fed up with hearing "Oh how wonderful, what great life you have had." We both agreed YES it has been a wonderful life with lots of accomplishments and accolades and will probably continue to be but aging still sucks.

My father who is not a very sentimental dude or for that matter a very expressive guy has recently lost two of his brothers and when I called to see how he was doing, you know what his response was? It was: "You know, I am fine and proud of what I have done. I am happy with my life, BUUUUT I LIIIIKE life, I do not want to get off the carousel. I want another ticket. I want to go around again"

Yesterday  I met with a few friends who I do not see regularly. We span an age range of 43 to 55. We are going to seem ungrateful with this but we all agreed that as my colleague and Dad said, aging sucks and we don't like it. And the general odd, weird concensus is that it happened too fast AND we did not see it coming. I know it sound ridiculous, HOWWW???? could we not have seen it coming ?! - aging is one of those things that kinda hits you in the face literally EVERY DAY! It is happening as I write this.

Why are we all so surprised? Why is this hitting us "unexpectedly" in the face"? Why are we acting like deer caught in headlights? Huh?? What? How? Why are we all waking up on our birthdays thinking - how the fuck did this happen? WTF?!?!?

Here it is, we are not prepared because it DID happen FAST, the Earth has been around for gizijillions of years and we are around for a measly 100 of those (if you are lucky). In the whole evolutionary scheme of things THAT is an INFINITESIMAL amount of time!!! Turns out that as of today we know that atoms do not represent the smallest unit of matter. Particles called quarks and leptons seem to be the fundamental building blocks of matter but it seems that there might be something even smaller. I hate to break this to you but it seems that in terms of infinitesimal things  .... we are the quarks of evolution (mind you fruit flies are even worse, I wonder if this happens to them - in their little brains they are like ... hold oooonnnnn just half a second ago ago I  was flying around and now I CAN'T - aging sucks!).

So, if you want to feel better be assured ...... it DID happen overnight. I DID find myself pulling out my gray hair from one day to another. My running injuries DID go from being healed in one day to being healed in 3 months in a blink. Going from "full" bodied to "fluff" bodied DID actually JUST creep up on me. Benjamin DID grow a few feet and his voice DID change from Monday to Tuesday. Sebastian DID become a 6 foot full bearded man on his almost way to University overnight.

In summary, EVERYTHING DID JUST HAPPEN IN A FLASH!!! There, now I feel better.

1. 
   

The penis inspector

I tend to post some of the endearing and funny experiences that I have with the kids in my clinic on Facebook. I have had MANY! but last week's took the cake as it led to some clever person following up on the event with a fake "license".

This was my post: This afternoon in clinic: I had brothers in the exam room sitting side by side on the exam table, ages 8 and 10. I say to the 10 year old "You are going to have to take your pants off because I need to have a look" He asks: "You need to see my penis?!" I say "Yes, but don't worry, it is a very quick look." The 8 year old brother turns to him and says "Yes, she needs to look at your penis, but don't worry she is a doctor, the government gives her permission to do that"

Th next day I found a Penis Inspector License (see image below) in my mailbox at work. And despite ample detective CSI type work on my part the culprit has still not claimed the deed.

These are a few other things I have heard and learned from kids:

1) I look pretty when I wear pink

2) Red nail polish is ONLY for Christmas

3) I have pretty hair

4) My hands are too cold

5) I should not be wearing heels to work, runners are more comfortable

6) I talk too much and ask too many questions

7) Tortoises dwell on land, turtles in water

8) "Dr. Lopez if you give needles kids will not like you"

9) Santa ALSO doesn't like doctors who give needles

10) Dora speaks better Spanish than me

11) The tooth fairy is cheap

11) My butt is WAY TOO big to fit in a small chair

There you have it. Out of the mouth of babes.

This child of mine

The child. The sun. The sand. The beach. He sits beside. That's summer gone he says but Fall is here and every season has it's charm. I nod. I sigh. He is wise this child of mine.

Before judging ...... ask!

I have a colleague, Dr. Barbara Fitzgerald, who has been speaking about poverty and particularly how poverty affects families in Canada for many years. A few weeks ago she published an article in the Vancouver Sun again speaking out about how few resources are available for these families. I come from Mexico and when I posted this link on facebook a few of my friends commented that they had no idea we had this kind of poverty in Canada. Well, there is.

I experience the effects of poverty on families a daily basis. My biggest revelation came from a mother who brought her kids to see me a few years ago. I try NEVER to be late to consult but this time I was about 15 minutes late to start, what kept me was probably not too terribly important so when I led them into the room I apologized for my delay. She very kindly said: "Dr. Lopez it's okay but we have to be finished in less that an hour and a half before my bus transfer runs out. I do not have the $5 dollars that the return bus ticket costs."

Then yesterday Dr. Fitzgerald published a response to another letter that accused the poor of being "lazy" for not preparing healthy meals for their children relying instead on giving them junk food. In it she writes: I am president of a charity called Mom to Mom, (which is online at m2mcharity.ca). We pair women with other moms to offer a caring alternative to the judgment they often have levelled at them."

I have also seen this judgment that she mentions often. 

My children went to a little Catholic School that is in wealthy area of Vancouver, but this school also services a nearby First Nations community in which not everyone has everything they want. When a child showed up well into January without the dress code long blue pants but wore instead shorts and always showed up without a jacket the talk of the playground was that his mother was negligent. When I took the time to ask the mother if she needed help her response was; "You know we just can't afford the pants or the jacket for now." I told the principal and she provided both. The very next day the child showed up properly attired. Even after that some mothers still insisted that the lack of money was not true, to quote "She can't afford pants BUT she has a cell phone". To clarify, a cell phone is not always a luxury but a LIFELINE! How else will you get a job if you don't have a way to be contacted? How else will you call the police if you are in danger? 

In practice I try to teach residents and fellows to not judge and look beyond. A few months ago we saw a family in clinic, mother and two kids who were wearing dirty clothes and looked like they had not been "cared for". The resident suggested that we call the MCFD and notify them of the kids' states. My response was - hang on, let's find out what is going on and what we can do to help. Turned out this woman lives in a 36 apartment building with TWO available washers and dryers AND as she said "you have to sit next to them as you wash otherwise your clothes get stolen". She has two other young kids so she waits until her husband gets home to do laundry but by then it is dark and there are no hall lights in her building plus she has been assaulted in her building in the past. So .... no clean clothes. 

The lesson: Before judging .......... ask. Before judging .............. offer help.

PS. Dr. Fitzgerald as mentioned above is the president Mom to Mom. Find it online www.m2mcharity.ca and offer your time, a donation or just get informed.

Extraordinary

September has always seemed the month for renewal, contrary to January where things just go on, September is always filled with promise. A new year full of new stuff. After the lull of summer, new school year, new patients, new grants, new research, new boots ;) Add to that the new, almost age of 49 and the need for renewal grows. You see, I am slowly approaching the NOW WHAT? age.

In case you don't know what the NOW WHAT? age is, it is that time in life when you ask yourself just that - NOW WHAT? I have teenage kids who are almost completely independent. I am fairly proficient at my job. I am doing research that I love. I am in fairly decent fit shape. I am happy, NOW WHAT?

So, I've been thinking maybe it is time to do something extraordinary. Maybe it is time to join Doctors without borders (I have been wanting to do this for years!) and go fight Ebola. Maybe it is time to renew the Harvard contacts and take the job. Maybe it is time to climb Mount Everest. Maybe it is time to go on some exhaustive self reflective walk on El Camino de Santiago in Spain. Maybe I need to do the Totem to Totem Haida Gwaii Marathon. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

And then this morning as if on cue to my do-something-extraordinary-quest, one of my three calming apps (yes, in my own weird overachiever way I have downloaded not one but THREE calming apps on my iPhone: Calm, Be Calm and Simply Being) wakes me up with my daily reminder to be mindful: "Today, take the time to notice the ordinary things in life that make you happy".

So, I started noticing, first the ordinary fact that made me happy was that I managed to unload the one-more-day-and-it-will-be-too-late-to-eat-bananas in the kid's lunches. But then it got better, it made me happy to see that there was still some of the two gallon OJ I bought two days ago in the fridge, ordinary. Then it made me happy to see that the rain has stopped and we had sun, ordinary (but not as much as the fruit related ordinary events, we agree?). On and on it went, happy after happy ordinary stuff.

Then it was the ordinary happy time to drop the teenagers off at school, their first day of school. Sebastian, a by now veteran in Grade 11 and Benjamin a new Grade 8. Both of them in their gray pants, white collared button down shirt, blue tie and blue blazer (a la Dead Poets Society as my friend would say).

I drive, happy in the sun, happy with the ordinary fact that there was no traffic. At the corner I stop and let them out and as I watch them walk away it hits me - THERE IT IS!! MY EXTRAORDINARY feat already done, two boys walking away side by side, talking and laughing, confident, kind, lovely - EXTRAORDINARY!

16

The light goes on. The door opens. The 6 foot child walks in. He says I'm home. He sits on the edge of the bed. He sighs. His mother asks is all all right? Yes he says, it's all okay. Did something happen? No, he says, just life that happens. Life? Yeah, just life that happens. I reach over and squeeze his hand. He lifts his frame up off the bed. Good night, I love you he says and walks away.

Tribute to my "new" country.

Today was Canada Day, my first as an official citizen of this beautiful country. We (and what seemed to be all other British Columbians living on the lower mainland) made our way to the low tide at Spanish Banks. The traffic was brutal, there was nowhere to park but everyone was civilized, no honking, no insults, no cutting in line, no taking advantage of the people waiting for cherished parking spots. In summary all very CANADIAN.

We set up camp between a large Filipino family and a large group of students. #1 went off to find the good tide pools for skim boarding while #2 and I sat. He, under the umbrella and complaining of the heat (this child has ZERO Mexican DNA - you should know) and me, sitting in the sun. We lounged there in peace and enjoyed the day.

As I sat there looking at the cargo ships, the North Shore mountains, some still covered in snow, the beautiful beach in low tide, the sound of the ocean, all kinds of families BBQing, children laughing, children playing in the sand, people walking by, people flying kites, beach volleyball everywhere, Sebastian with his bright orange shirt skim boarding and Benjamin by my side with a book in his hands my only thought was: I LIVE IN PARADISE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!

Mexico vs Brazil

Every day I travel from my house to work along 33rd and obviously I must be doing this driving in a zombie-like state every morning AND every afternoon because I had not noted that at the corner of Victoria street sits the Vancouver Alpen Club or the Deutsches Haus Restaurant. Now you will ask, why did you notice today? Well ................. because of THE WORLD CUP!!!

At first it just looked like there was an excess of parked cars but then I saw that most of them had German flags on them. Now my first thought was well there must be a German family that is hosting a party (this at 8 am you should know) but then I saw a long line of people that extended around the corner and saw the BIG Deutches sign - AHHHHHH that is why!! These super dedicated soccer fans had gotten up to go line up at the German bar at 8am!! Good. For. Them.

One of the coolest things about experiencing the World Cup in Canada is that EVERYBODY is from somewhere else and multiculturalism makes for a GREAT atmosphere. One of our psychologist, let's call her Dr. L is a soccer FAN, yes with caps - FAN! For the last two World Cups Dr. L has run the work World Cup "pool" or "assigned teams". 

Here I use her first World Cup update (which she writes under the pseudonym of Claudio Lilincha) e-mail explaining the process. First she writes a disclaimer: "expect exaggeration, mild bad taste and mildly offensive national stereotypes. This was not written on work time. No animals were harmed in the makingof this update". Then the welcome: "Good morning sports fans and welcome to the 2014 Psychology World Cup Pool. There is no money in this pool, only mockery and bragging rights.  Team assignments were completed semi-randomly as follows:  last year’s winner picked first, then people with actual national affiliations were assigned their teams (thus Mexico is MINE), then remaining psychologists picked (yeah suuuuuure, of course, we have no idea how the organizer ended up with the host and most promising team - BRAZIL! but we will let that one go). Other invited guests picked after. Staff who joined the program after the draw were added in a completely arbitrary way.  Other than psychologists, inclusion was based mostly on who was hanging around in the hallway on the day we picked."

So now every day we rouse, go to work and rumble. So far it has been fairly civilized except for the unintended colleague "tripping" in the hall or the hiding of their favorite chair or the cryptic I-have-no-idea-where-that-chart-you-are-looking-for-is look or again the totally unintended and totally accidental locking them out of their office multiple times. Totally. Unintended.

Tomorrow Mexico plays Brazil, ie. Me AGAINST. Dr. L. So today I had every intention to get her to eat some bad shrimp that way she would spend the night experiencing intestinal distress and perhaps kill Brazil's luck but I got busy with patients and she was in meetings all day. I was also thinking of pinning a "kick me" sign to her back but that is just plain juvenile right? Tonight I plan to park outside her house and play the car radio loudly so that she can't sleep. This WILL ENSURE Brazil's abysmal performance on the field tomorrow. Wish me luck!

PRE-traumatic stress disorder

The other day I was being my overworried mother self: "Where exactly is this event that you are going to?" "Who are you going with?" "How are you getting there?" "What do you mean you are biking there?" "Well, have you checked what time the sun sets?" "NO? well do you have decent bike lights?" "What are you going to wear then, you can't wear dark colors, you'll get hit by a car!" "What is your route, I need to know where to start looking if you go missing?" "Will you carry a cell phone?" "I DO NOT CARE if it is to bulky on the bike!" "Well, carry a fanny pack." "NO, I don't care it fanny packs are for wussies"

Now, I must preface, #1 is a GOOD GOOD egg but a teenager good egg nonetheless so after the 10th eye roll  this ended with me yelling "YOU KNOW I AM JUST TRYING TO ENSURE YOUR WELL BEING RIGHT?" (please refer to previous blog Nagging IS loving behaviour). Finally all questions answered and all plans made an agreement is made and off the child goes.

This was all heard by #2 who was quietly watching the exchange (and GOD I hope learning from it!!) and once #1 was out the door he says to me (with the accompanying roll of the eyes) "Jeeeeezz, mother you constantly worry and ask so many questions you are so..... so.... so .... PARENTAL!!!" Yes, he called me parental. I think it is a good thing that I was called parental but I am sure it is more like a new vernacular teenage lingo word that actually means "HOLY-CRAP-can-you-BELIEVE-my mother!". Anyway I chose to make it a good word and will wear my "parentality" proudly.

Parenting, it is a tough bussiness eh? A few months ago #1 asked to go to a party and I AGAIN asked 10,000 questions. Now #1 is saying that I am always anticipating the worst and do not need to be so worried, apparently I have PRE-traumatic stress disorder. Finally he said "I am going with (cue heavenly music and God like heavenly rays) .... SAM"

Now, let me tell you about Sam because every household should have a Sam. Sam is a giant 6 foot 3 inches tall 15 year old young man and he plays rugby. This Sam is FOCUSSED, yes, all in caps, FOCUSSED and he is FOCUSSED because he is this close to receiving a rugby scholarship to an Australian University so he does NOTHING WRONG. Seriously, NOTHING, he will not expose himself to drinking (maybe he figures he will do plenty of it once he is recruited), he will not go near drugs and he studies hard. Sam will not risk his scholarship chances AT ALL. I should say that I think #1 would also not do any of these things but it is nice to have what I have taken to calling - SAMinsurance :)

So there they go off on the bus to a party that they did not know the address to but knew how to get to (do we agree already an issue?). Anyway I gave. Midnight and no word from them. So I text "all good?" and I get a CALL, YES, A CALL!! You know something is not quite right when a teenager USES a phone as it was intended. He calls to say they have left the party because the kids were drinking and getting stoned (15 year olds) and can someone come get them. So, I had to be "parental" and go get them of course.

It is almost mother's day and I have decided to honour the day as follows: I will curb the PREtraumatic stress disorder BUT continue to be PARENTAL!!! Happy Mother's Day!!!

I. AM. CANADIAN.

Tomorrow, on Friday March 14th at exactly 10:45 I will became a Canadian Citizen after 23 years of living in Canada. WHAT took you sooooooooooooo loooooooooong you might ask?

Well, I had started this process before and it got pretty far, (as far as all-we-need-now-are-your-fingerprints-and-its-almost-done) BUUUUUT .......... I never got it done and my application lapsed. You see it was 2006. And 2006 was THE year!! the VERY important year!

The year for what you say? Well the year I had been waiting for for the last 16 YEARS!!! YES! 16 YEARS!! 2006 was THE YEAR OF THE  CANADIAN ROYAL COLLEGE EXAM! Yes, after 16 years of re-training I was going to finally be certified to practice medicine in Canada (provided I passed the exam - which of course I did after studying really hard for 12 months), so you can see how travelling with a Canadian passport and voting in Federal elections (really the only two "extra" perks you get from being a citizen rather than a permanent resident) may not have been a priority at the time.

But NOW it is 2014 and .........  I. Am. Ready. So tomorrow at 10:45 I will wear red and proudly say the Canadian citizenship oath:  "I affirm that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, her heirs and successors and I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian citizen". Then I assume there will be applause and hugs and happy wishes.

After that I am hoping Canadianism will just fill me up with glee and joy so that I can say eh? without feeling like I am faking it, say sorry all the time and mean it, be passionate about hockey and beer, enjoy all winter sports, skate like I have been doing it all my life, know and properly identify all animals in the tundra, know how to build an igloo ;), buy shares of Tim Horton's, love maple syrup, continue to enjoy bacon (Canadian bacon that is), put vinegar on my fries (I. Dont. Think. So - YUCK!), and eat poutine.

No, seriously, all kidding aside I WILL BE PROUD TO BE A CANADIAN because:

1) Canada has welcomed me with opens arms
2) I have two Canadian kids
3) I have friends of all shapes, colors and nationalities in this multiculturalism heaven
4) Canada treats women and men equally
5) Same sex marriage is like any other marriage
6) Canada sees value in families and allows for a one year paid parental leave
7) Universal health care
8) Canada is committed to multilateralism and most importantly FIERCELY committed to peacekeeping efforts.
9) It has made environmental efforts one if it's top priorities
and
10) Canada is A GOOD SOLID KIND WELCOMING COUNTRY for those who come next

But let's face it mostly I am hoping that becoming Canadian means that I will never be cold again!!!!

Thank you Canada for becoming my adoptive land. I am sure we will be happy together eh?

15 years later - I wish you the best!

Yesterday I met for dinner with a bunch of women who I had not seen for at least 15 years. I occasionally run into a few of them at the grocery store or Tim Horton's or the Second Cup or even in the halls of British Columbia's Children's Hospital where most of us work.

Unfortunately, those quick meetings are always at the expense of having to go somewhere else, pick up children somewhere, need to get to a meeting somewhere or to see a patient somewhere. Nonetheless, we make time to exchange the quickest of hugs and hellos and a very heartfelt "I'm so glad to see you. I miss you". Needless to say these stolen few seconds of every day life are never enough to bring ourselves up to date.

So yesterday we met. We met!!!! We had 15 years of catchup to do. When we were together 15 years ago some of us were struggling with major life decisions and now those decisions have been made and I am proud to say they led us down a good path.  Some of us were beginning new careers now we are old farts who know what we are doing. 15 years ago a few of us were pregnant now those kids are adolescents!!!

Last night, we shared happy and sad moments. We remembered patients lost and we thanked them for the learning they provided. We remembered colleagues. We reminisced about the past.  I thanked them for the shower they threw me when I was pregnant with Sebastian and I also thanked them for looking in on Benjamin when he was intubated in the special care nursery, a task that they did willingly (sometimes in the middle of the night) when I was not there. I thanked them for all of the things they taught me when I began my career as a doctor in Canada. I thanked them for their friendship and company, EVEN if we have not seen each other in a very long time.

We gossiped too, a lot!!!! Really, what reunion is a good reunion without it's good share of gossip?  We laughed and laughed.

I am glad to say that 15 years later we are mostly healthy and mostly happy. Last night we looked back but we also looked forward. Forward to new adventures, to new challenges, to the joy of grandchildren (really Joan, a grandmother? IMPOSSIBLE to believe as my kids said when I showed them the pictures because Joan you should know, looks like a teenager).

I look forward to the next 15 years. I look forward to seeing you all again in the halls at Children's, or the neighbourhood, or the coffee shop or the grocery store and catching a quick glance of each other while on our hurried way to something else and quietly thinking "We did well didn't well? I can't talk right now but you know, I WISH YOU THE BEST!".

Super Bowl Sunday.

In case you didn't know Mexicans are HUGE American Football fans. I would venture to say they are just as fanatical about football as they are about soccer. Maybe more?

Thus I grew up with it at home. All season long my father and brothers would watch all and any football  game available on TV. Yep, every Saturday, Sunday AND Monday night. And by osmosis so would I. This is how I learned about football just by being around. When it wasn't yet cool or expected for girls to know about football I KNEW about football. I was not only aware, I was knowledgeable!

Yes, knowledgeable. I know how the game is played, how to keep score, the difference between a touch down and a field goal, what being hit behind the line of scrimmage is and how many yards they need to advance with each down. I know about offensive units, defensive units and special team units. I know the difference between a lineman and a receiver. I know the difference between a fullback and a halfback and yes I also know what a tight end is and NO it has nothing to do with how tight their butt is!

By age 16 I could spew off names and had opinions about quarterbacks like Dan Marino, Terry Bradshaw, John Elway, Joe Montana, even Joe Namath (jeez this dates me huh?). I even knew who OJ Simpson was before he began behaving badly.

I remember the team of choice at home was of course the Dallas Cowboys. FYI - this is possibly "Mexico's team" in the sense that A LOT of Mexicans like the Dallas Cowboys. One of my brothers however, has always been partial to the Seahawks and I hope that this is their and also HIS and his kids' year.

We were such fans that on my 15th birthday we took a trip to Dallas and my Dad bought tickets for us to watch a game while there. I don't think it was specially for my birthday, at 15 I was probably much more interested in clothes but I remember the game. I remember it being very cold and us having a discussion with the people behind us who were supporting the other team.

Over time I have come to realize how much this fascination with American football has become part of the fabric of my life. You have probably already noticed but different sport games have different sounds. I can distinguish (without looking at the TV) the stadium sound of a soccer game, a football game and/or a hockey game. They are distinct in the noise the fans make, the music they play and the noise from the game itself.

That very recognizable sound, the sound of an football game on TV is part of the ever present soundtrack of my life so much so that when I first arrived in Canada and was feeling homesick and lonely I would turn the TV on to a football game and INSTANTLY feel at home. I still do it once in a while, turn the TV on while I cook and BANG back home!!! Flood of memories.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday and there will not be a party and a bacchanalian feast like there was at my house when I was growing up but I will be watching and more importantly I will be .... FEELING AT HOME!!

GO SEAHAWKS!!!

Be okay.

Every year around this uphill January climb I start wondering what will this new year bring, what surprises await me? will it be happy? will it be sad? and most of the time I think of it as a passive process ie. what will IT do? Today I thought ..... HANG ON!!! I can do something about this. I am NOT at the mercy of what might happen!

I think this at other times (the not being at the mercy part) but today after paying a gazillion dollars in professional dues, having put out about 50 unexpected fires and feeling a little out of control I thought okay, all hands on deck - what am I going to do to make this a HAPPY 2014. So here goes , not exactly resolutions but more like things I need to do:

1) LET LIFE FLOW - if you know me, this will be hard, I have minimal ;) but prevalent control issues.

2) LET GO - if you know me, this will be hard, I have minimal ;) but prevalent letting go issues.

3) BREATHE - easy to say eh? Cant really NOT breathe, physiologically impossible. But I mean breathe in a Namaste West Coast kinda way.

4) LOOK AROUND - I do this already all the time but I want to be MINDFUL when I look around.

5) TAKE TIME TO BE QUIET AND SERENE - if you know me, THIS WILL BE HARD!!! I have minimal ;) but prevalent be quiet and serene issues. Clearly this is an ongoing theme.

6) I am mostly okay, but be MORE okay (overachieving eh?) should go on the list. Now I am just going to be stressed about being okay - Oh yeah forgot #3 BREATHE.

7) On the more mundane list of things I'd like to accomplish: Publish my short stories, take photography classes, visit Rome and walk the streets while being MINDFUL, continue to do the job that I love, eat healthy and exercise plus all of the other expected resolutions stuff.

Wish me luck. Namaste.