Before judging ...... ask!

I have a colleague, Dr. Barbara Fitzgerald, who has been speaking about poverty and particularly how poverty affects families in Canada for many years. A few weeks ago she published an article in the Vancouver Sun again speaking out about how few resources are available for these families. I come from Mexico and when I posted this link on facebook a few of my friends commented that they had no idea we had this kind of poverty in Canada. Well, there is.

I experience the effects of poverty on families a daily basis. My biggest revelation came from a mother who brought her kids to see me a few years ago. I try NEVER to be late to consult but this time I was about 15 minutes late to start, what kept me was probably not too terribly important so when I led them into the room I apologized for my delay. She very kindly said: "Dr. Lopez it's okay but we have to be finished in less that an hour and a half before my bus transfer runs out. I do not have the $5 dollars that the return bus ticket costs."

Then yesterday Dr. Fitzgerald published a response to another letter that accused the poor of being "lazy" for not preparing healthy meals for their children relying instead on giving them junk food. In it she writes: I am president of a charity called Mom to Mom, (which is online at m2mcharity.ca). We pair women with other moms to offer a caring alternative to the judgment they often have levelled at them."

I have also seen this judgment that she mentions often. 

My children went to a little Catholic School that is in wealthy area of Vancouver, but this school also services a nearby First Nations community in which not everyone has everything they want. When a child showed up well into January without the dress code long blue pants but wore instead shorts and always showed up without a jacket the talk of the playground was that his mother was negligent. When I took the time to ask the mother if she needed help her response was; "You know we just can't afford the pants or the jacket for now." I told the principal and she provided both. The very next day the child showed up properly attired. Even after that some mothers still insisted that the lack of money was not true, to quote "She can't afford pants BUT she has a cell phone". To clarify, a cell phone is not always a luxury but a LIFELINE! How else will you get a job if you don't have a way to be contacted? How else will you call the police if you are in danger? 

In practice I try to teach residents and fellows to not judge and look beyond. A few months ago we saw a family in clinic, mother and two kids who were wearing dirty clothes and looked like they had not been "cared for". The resident suggested that we call the MCFD and notify them of the kids' states. My response was - hang on, let's find out what is going on and what we can do to help. Turned out this woman lives in a 36 apartment building with TWO available washers and dryers AND as she said "you have to sit next to them as you wash otherwise your clothes get stolen". She has two other young kids so she waits until her husband gets home to do laundry but by then it is dark and there are no hall lights in her building plus she has been assaulted in her building in the past. So .... no clean clothes. 

The lesson: Before judging .......... ask. Before judging .............. offer help.

PS. Dr. Fitzgerald as mentioned above is the president Mom to Mom. Find it online www.m2mcharity.ca and offer your time, a donation or just get informed.