The hockey void.

Well, that's it. What else can I say? The Canucks are out of the playoffs. We fell in love and got dumped yet again.

Vancouver has this weird love affair with the Canucks (although I think this extends to all sport fans whose team has not won in the last century - it FEELS like a century!), we love them despite the fact that they behave a lot like that University boyfriend who would dump you on Fridays and get back together with you on Mondays. Always kept you hoping, always coming back but never, EVER, delivering the goods when it was necessary. Never around for a weekend date (which is when dates really matter - btw). NEVER wanting to hang out with your friends. NEVER waiting to meet your parents.

Anyway, this happens every year and it reminds me of this mantra we are to chant as mothers when children get into trouble: "I am not angry with you. I am angry with your behaviour". So I am not angry with the Canucks (although I am a little angry with Lou to tell the truth) but I am angry with their BEHAVIOUR. I say time to STOP  fooling around and WIN THE CUP ALREADY!!!!!!!!

I was out and about today and it feels like we are all walking around like zombies, (CLEAN SHAVEN zombies thankfully!) thinking: What am I going to do with all this free time now? I am here at Whole Foods wandering the aisles just because there is no hockey to watch. I have no excuse to leave work early anymore and there's really no need to buy anything because I have the problem of what to do with all of the purchased finger playoff food, including a few extra pounds of chicken wings.

So I ask ... now what? My friend in Boston said:  "You should choose another sport". Easy for her to say when her city holds the Celtics AND the Red Sox. We, in Vancouver, have, ... let me think, ... hang on ... mmmhhhh. Oh yeah, the Whitecaps!!! The Whitecaps? Who? Who are they? The Whitecaps, are you ready for this? are Vancouver's soccer team. Yes, sigh, I know. I can just hear everybody in the motherland laughing and asking "WHOA Canadians (but more particularly) people in VANCOUVER play soccer? (insert big time sarcasm here). Yes, yes we do. Yes, we suck at it. Yes, in the rain. Yes, in the rain ALL THE TIME.

So we sit here and wait. Wait until next year, all hopeful again while we watch and  listen to where Lou will choose to go live out his days and hoping Schneider steps up to the plate and delivers next season while running into the Sedins at Kitsilano Beach and Granville Island because now you see them everywhere as they actually have time to hang out with their families.

Yep, we will sit here and wait. Wait, wait, wait, while slowly falling in love again

You know you are living with a teenager when ...

1) for the first time in your life, okay in MY life, I feel petite!!

2) you have at least half a dozen pairs of brand new shoes that he outgrew before he could use them 

 3) every once in a while, all of a sudden, you get this out of the blue down your back shiver and after a minute realize it's because you just had a vision of him at the helm of a car in no less than two years

4) you realize that hopefully one day you will never again have to spend money on computer support cause he knows everything

5) you negotiate BIG TIME payments for public displays of affection

6) you get a phone call every day before you leave your office to announce that we are out of snacks

7) the amount of money you spend on iTunes may just be the entire educational budget of a small country (he just walked in to say I exaggerate, I probably do)

8) you inform yourself very well before making any statement because he will call you on it if it is not true

9) you buy 40 dollars worth of salmon thinking that will do for the next month, but come home to find it gone after one meal and over the next week you make sure you are vigilant for any signs of encephalopathy due to mercury poisoning

10) you exhaust every medical search engine for evidence that eyes CAN dislocate and PERMANENTLY migrate to the back of the head after one of those EPIC eye rolls just so you can prove your point 

Sun Run tomorrow. New York and Boston Marathons ... someday?

I come from two very large extended families and while most of us we are fairly decent, okay some of us very very good :),  in academic pursuits we are not known for great feats of athleticism. Don't get me wrong, most of us exercise and stay in shape but in a very nonchalant hope-I-don't-get-a-heart-attack-before-I-am-50 kind of way, not in an Olympic gold medal kind of way.

As a disclaimer I have to add here that I have explored every corner of my memory (watch it, now I'll get an angry e-mail from some long lost relative who won Olympic gold in fencing or some other obscure sport without me being informed) and as far as I know none of us have made it to the big games ie. Olympics, Panamerican Games, World Cup (however we are Mexicans so this could still be an option), Masters Tournament, Stanley Cup, or for that matter even the local sport pages.

We have, however, been in some cases smart enough to MARRY into families who are made up of great athletes. My aunt's husband has NOT ONLY swam around the ENTIRE island of Manhattan but ALSO accross the English channel. My cousin's husband is running the Boston Marathon on Monday, a fact I should say makes me absolutely green with envy.

Not to belittle Ruy's efforts but I did hear that this year's registration for the Boston Marathon was closed super fast because it got full in a very short period of time. The organzing group was even thinking that they needed to revise the qualifying times because according to them, nowadays with the right training ANYBODY can run a marathon. And I've been wondering, who is this anybody? I certainly does not include me.

So for now I prepare for the Vancouver Sun Run 10K:
- pray for sun
- no alcohol consumption tonight (I have already accomplished this despite the night out with the ladies)
- go to sleep early (I can only dedicate 15 more minutes to this blog) after praying for sun
- compose kick ass inspiring music playlist that includes Christina Aguilera's Fighter, Hedley's Invincible and Journey's Don't stop believing (gotta get to this soon)
- pray for sun
- wake up tomorrow and shower while loudly singing Survivor's Eye of the Tiger
- pray for sun again
- choose appropriate attire for warmth and "support"
- eat breakfast with plentiful and readily available carbohydartes and protein (no brainer- toast with peanut butter as I do EVERY morning)
- did I say pray for sun already?
- make way downtown on bus with the rest of the other 30,000 runners
- stand, in the cold, at the back of the Vancouver Art Gallery (white bib) for at least 90 minutes if not more while elite runners run the course
- RUN (hopefully in the sun!!!!!)

While running I will dream of my eventual participation in both Boston and New York Marathons. Ah!! my one pipe dream. The good thing is that I am getting older and with any luck the qualifying times for the elderly MUST leave some room for me. Then again they may not because like I said I AM getting older.

In regards to the rest of the family I have heard that the new generation of young bloods is very very promising in the soccer and Golf arena so you might still see either a Lopez or a Rangel on the Olympic podium. Stay tuned.

Hit me baby one more time.

If you know me at all you'll know that I have no self retraint in general but less so when it comes to Britney Spears' song "Baby one more time". Oh baby, baby. how was I supposed to know, that something wasn't right. Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go. And now you are right outside yeah. Show me, how you want it to be, tell me baby, cause I need to know now. Oh oh because, my loneliness is killing me. I must confess I still believe, when I am not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign. Hit me baby one more time!

Seriously, I have been running along the Stanley Park Sea Wall twice with this Britney song loudly playing in my headphones and belting it out until I realize that people are looking at me with a "Who is this crazy woman?" look on their faces while I smile sheepishly and say: "Sorry, was I too loud?". Really? You'd think they'd be used to Britney Spears sing alongs in the West End right?

You will also know that I believe I am a true Newfounlander at heart as I will not only attend every Great Big Sea concert available to me but also know every word to every one of their songs and sing along at the top of my lungs while bouncing up and down in the very first row like some crazed groupie. Okay, not LIKE a crazed groupie but like a TRUE crazed groupie.

My friend Fiona and I like to crank up the volume in the car while playing Erasure's "A little respect" and The Cure's "Just like Heaven" or George Michael's "I want your sex" while watching the kids in the back seat turn beet red and hide themselves below the car windows so no one can see them.

I love the more contemporary Lady Antebellum and Parachute. I can be serene with Jason Spooner and The Decemberists but I also cannot avoid liking the boys from Saving Abel and their raunchy lyrics. Listen to their "Sex is Good" song, excellent! You should know though that the fact that I like this song makes the resident 14 year old break out in a rash and Biblically deny his mother's existence particularly if his friends are around.

Lately, Sebastian has encouraged me, in view of the Saving Abel faux pas, to find more "over 40s lady like music". Yep, his exact words. So I wonder, what is more "lady like music"? Do I need to stick to Barbra Streisand, The Carpenters, acoustic piano and/or guitar (all also on my playlist btw)? Or can I be lady like while I listen to Coldplay and Breaking Benjamin?

In the end I told him he should be grateful that it is not worse because I am just now begining to pay him back for the 5 years of endless recurrent loops of Raffi, Thomas the Tank Engine and Mighty Machines. So my dear lovely Sebastian let me be loud and happy and - HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Is Viagra a Pokemon?

Every June for the past few years, I, together with another physician Mum have been covering  the "puberty and sex education" talk at our children's Catholic School.

It goes like this: the Grade 5, 6 and 7 boys get together with a physician father and the girls get together with Dr. Mezey and I. The teachers play a 20 minute ancient video with, who I am pretty sure, are some of the child actors on Barney, that describes the changes girls experience in puberty. Then they get to see the boys puberty video too and viceversa for the boys, they get to see the girls video.

Afterwards, both groups, still separately (separate rooms), get the opportunity to ask questions. This is done annonymously, the children write their question on a little piece of paper and it goes into a box and in the boys group their physican Dad reads and answers them out loud. In the girls group Dr. M and I do the same. For the boys this is a "bum deal" or so I heard from Sebastian every year because the physician/Dad covers the information on puberty and puberty ONLY ie. he will not answer any other questions unless they pertain to puberty and if a sex question is asked his answer is "you need to discuss that with your parents". Meanwhile Dr. M and I answer ALL questions, ALL OF THEM!

Sex discussions at our house are a free for all access to information session. A few years ago I bought a book at one of the developmental conferences I attended that dealt with sexual education for boys called "What is going on down there?" I strategically left the book in the car and when the boys found it and asked about it I said I bought it for my patients. OF COURSE they read it! and that led to a few extra questions they hadn't previously asked so they know pretty much everything there is to know. Imagine my son's frustration at the June school sessions as he sits there and respectfully listens but cannot ask the really important questions. He does find it funny though, after one of  these sessions Sebastian came home laughing because one of the boys had asked if Viagra was a Pokemon.

Last year the boys had their session before the girls and again I heard the same complaint: "We cannot ask questions about sex". But one of the questions pulled out of the boys annonymous box was "Can humans have sex with animals?" Which of course was read but not answered.

The same question came up at the girls session, obviously this was a hot topic of conversation at the playground and needed to be addressed, so Dr. M and I did. Our answer: "Yes, humans can have sex with animals but it is not correct to do it and considered a sexual disorder." Simple, short and to the point answer. This was followed by a raised hand question ie. not an annonymous question "Is is considered animal abuse". THAT WAS THE CONCERN???!!! Not the seedy horrible thoughts adults adscribed to this question but the simple child concern: "Is it considered animal abuse?" Our answer "YES! IT IS".  Adult lesson learned and in one fell sweep, all the playground speculation put to rest.

June is coming up. This is Benjamin's first year of "sex education". Those of you who know him know that he is probably one of the best sex informed children there are so I doubt he will learn anything new. We also have a new principal so who knows if she will ask Dr. M and I to do the honors again but be assured (and I think I speak for Dr. M too) we will continue to answer ALL questions.

Living with the XYs

A few days ago my good friend and colleague Christina posted on facebook a photo of a bookshelf full of white numbered books, from 1 to 22 and two more, X and Y that she took at Cambridge University. THIS photo my friends is a photo of the books that contain the written version of the human code!!!! If that is not the coolest thing you have ever heard of you have to have your head examined. Should I repeat myself? On that shelf sits the HUMAN CODE!!!! in other words THE INSTRUCTIONS THAT MAKE US HUMAN!

EVERY instruction for the human body and human life, from what color eyes and skin you are going to have, to how tall or fat you have the potential to be, how you will make blood, when and how hard and fast your heart will pump, how and how many times your lungs will breathe, how fast your hair and nails will grow, how you will process food ....... need I go on? MOST importanly it has the code for how your neurons will be connected so that you can walk, talk, learn. IT IS ALL THERE. IT IS ALL THERE!!!! ALL OF IT!!! Have I convinced you that this is THE coolest or am I just sounding like a geek? I have always thought that our one almost unique human purpose in life is to create new knowledge. Well, THERE IT IS! One of the most AWESOME achievements EVER. Okay, okay, enough with the nerdiness.

Anyhow, right away the comments started on her photo: "Really? We really need two books for the Y chromosome? I thought one page would have been enough". To which Christina responded: "I suspect an XY compiled it, the font is probably larger in the Y - it is all about perception." Christina is very funny you should know. To these two I responded: "They need a lot of code for the I-can't-find-it gene because it is a very complicated molecular process, it requires code for 1) perusing casually for item, 2) not finding, 3) neuronal lack of problem solving and 4) language to convince XX to look and find the item."

I know all about the "I-can't-find-it-gene" you see because I live with the XYs. I gave half of my DNA to two of them. I provided my sturdy X and Dad came along with his Y. A good Y I will say but still a very typical Y. Both of them are great and very very bright but for some unfanthomable reason cannot find the 2 gallon carton of milk in the fridge. I keep stressing a two second look WITHOUT moving other items in the fridge will not do but it goes unheard, damn the genetic code!

The same goes for the "Really?-that-smells?-gene". I am also familiar with that one. It starts like this, find shirt on floor from yesterday's field hockey practice and put it on regardless of it's odor, walk by the XX (in this case me - the mother), watch her wretch from the smell and ask "Really? It smells?" the genetic code for that one is quite short. It requires one thing and one thing only: ANOSMIA, for those of you unfamiliar with the word anosmia is a lack of functioning olfaction, or in other words, an inability to perceive odors. I am sure that the code for that is not necessarily always on the Y chromosme but in this house it seems to be a Y-linked trait. Together with the "I-do-not-have-an-opinion-as-to-what-shoes-you-should-wear-with-that-dress" gene.

Fortunately in this house, the resident Y chromosomes also came with a few good genes including the "I-made-sure-there-was-some-OJ-left-for-your-breakfast-tomorrow" gene, the "Tell-me-all-about-your-day" gene and my personal favourite the "Can-I-do-anything-to-help?" gene. You should know however, that this last one required LOTS of epigenetic regulation in the shape of nagging and it took a while to demethylate but I am pretty sure I've got it working.

I am not loud, I am just Mexican.

Last year I was sitting at an Atlanta airport gate waiting for my flight back to Vancouver and noticed a beautiful little girl no more than five, who was roaming around. She was taking things out of other people's bags and sticking her head in front of other people's computer monitors. A woman had her lunch on her lap and she walked right up and took a fry and when her mother tried to stop her she had one of those epic tantrums with lots of screaming and stomping.

As a develomental peadiatrician all of my "spidey senses" were on alert. I am thinking, mmmhhhh, there is something different about this little girl. She does not look unsual but her behaviour is unusal. I could also tell most of the other people sitting at the gate were starting to get annoyed and having this I-cannot-believe-how-MISbehaved-she-is! look on their faces and WHY don't her parents do something about it? attitude. Once her mother had her a little more settled and the screaming had stopped she takes her jacket off and ................. THERE IT WAS!!! THE reason for her behaviour. She had a T-shirt on that said: "I am not rude. I have autism".

Now, I could tell EVERYONE at the gate was having an "aha" moment and the group's attitude changed. The lady with the lunch was now OFFERING her fries, the man witth the computer was now TURNING the screen for her to see and when she had another melt down people's looks were ones of "I get it". They even offered to help.

I had another similar experience at the Ottawa airport (I spend a lot of time at airports) where a good looking young man would loudly grunt and shout "cunt, pussy, bitches" repeatedly. I sat there and knew - Tourette syndrome. But was still shocked the first time I heard it.

It continued as he got on the plane. The anxiety was rising for all to think that we might have five hours of this on the plane and it was getting worse, he was getting louder and it was happening more often. If  this was distressing to the passengers imagine how this very nice young man felt at his inability to control his behaviour! By some weird luck, his seat was next to this lovely couple with a little baby and we could all tell that was not a good arrangement. Everyone in the back four rows, me included, had to play musical chairs and finally he ended up seated in the back row with two other very mature, very kind young men. Before takeoff the pilot made an announcement overhead that informed everyone the passenger had Tourette syndrome and his outbursts were involuntary. Things went well, no problems, no complaints, even though his outburst continued for the whole flight except when he fell asleep.

Both of these experiences have got me thinking, we all have our issues don't we? It's just that ours may not be outwardly visible and obvious. I wonder, what would my T-shirt say? "I am not loud, I am just Mexican" (sorry about the stereotype! but in my case it is true). Or "I get really cranky without Diet Coke" (no, I am not a paid advertisement - this also happens to be true). Or to address my self-image insecurity: "I have a very big behind but you should know I am pretty fit and I run almost every day." Or maybe even: "I have a hard time saying no". Hang on, nope, forget that last one, NOT a good idea. It might lead to some inappropriate moments and requests.

Maybe, before every flight the pilot would have to announce: "Warning to all: the lady sitting in 13C is very chatty and she always wants to be right" or much likely (and accurate): "Be aware on 20A, the woman sitting next to you tends to make EXCEEDINGLY strong emotional attachments that can at times seem very intrusive and may even border on psychotic. Good luck to you".

Evidence to this last one: last year I sent a very expensive Canucks jersey to this die-hard Bruins fan that I talked to for like 15 minutes on a bus in Boston (right before the Stanley cup play-offs against the Bruins I might add!) not only because I thought he should support the better team :))) but also because he very kindly allowed me to use his bus pass so I could get into South Station to use the bathroom while he looked after my luggagge. I know, crazy right? So, yeah, this last description works.