49

I am 49 today. I can feel my telomeres shortening and my Xs dropping. Here we go, the yearly review:  

Almost all of my friends are nerdy. The company of teenagers is both inspiring and infuriating, MOST of the time it is inspiring. I hang around with an exceptional group of strong women. Before judging, ask. Before judging, offer help. To quote Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are ..... believe them!" DO NOT let bad things happens TWICE - that is just DUMB! Forgive yourself if you let a bad thing happen twice. Even really ordinary things can be made to feel extraordinary. Lululemon was a shitty investment. Sometimes in life you get to walk just a little of the way together with someone you care for, let that be enough. Not everyone that you care for will appreciate you caring. Restorative yoga IS restorative. Experiencing loss, even when expected is profoundly painful. Turtles dwell in water, tortoises on land. Foot injuries SUUCCKK! The only way to heal from a foot injury is to STOP running. Listen to your doctor. If you can't run - spin. Not all great adventures make for great love stories.  Every once in while you've just got to pull the car over in order to hold your heart and catch your breath. KINDNESS trumps ALL. Kids speak truths, my behind does not fit on a pediatric chair. Stretchy leggings are oddly comforting. VERY few people make evidence based decision, most people act on beliefs. Educating antivaxers is the bane of my existence. According to published literature from NIH at my current age, I am unlikely to contribute to science in any meaningful way. Before ordering exome sequencing  - USE YOUR BRAIN, FIND A PATTERN! I want to be in Grade 8 again and have cool homework. #1 child turned out to be a looker, #2 also seems to be going in that direction, this of course is not terribly important but a revelation of the power of half of my DNA ;) they also turned out to be kind so that's a win-win. Not everybody has the capacity for self-reflection. The best definition of myself that I have ever read was found in a book about menopause called The Madwoman in the Volvo: "Until now, not being able to feel things has never been one of my copious personal flaws. I am for better or for worse a person driven by passions large and small." An apology has three parts: 1) Say I'm sorry 2) Admit what you did and say "I was wrong" AND 3) ASK: WHAT can I do to repair this? WHAT can I do to make this better? It seems most people (including me sometimes) often neglect the third part. There is nothing that is more annoying than lack of clarity. Lack of clarity happens, suck it up! According to Benjamin, I have already had crabbiness and I need to see other people, the kid seems to be a little overwhelmed with maternal love. ALWAYS find time for a morning hug. As in all previous years: ALWAYS find time to tell the ones you love that you do and the ones you miss that you miss them. At this age you begin to lose people, some to life, some to geography, some to circumstances - the difficult thing is that at this age that loss may be permanent. The poignancy of this life is that there is just this ONE life, don't squander love, don't squander time, we are all, slowly, but most assuredly, running out of summers and not always stopping, breathing in and taking the time to notice them. TODAY and EVERY day, as I did last year, I promise myself to take the time to notice. 

Oh, Oh, I ALMOST forgot ........ This year I became THE PROUD recipient of a Government of Canada (aka Kaoru Ohashi) issued Penis Inspector License. 

Happy birthday to me.

49 - 24 hours

I am 24 hours away from turning 49 (tomorrow I will post the hotly anticipated :) I am 49 blog post). Yesterday I left my jacket in the bathroom and lost my glasses somewhere. Then this morning I realized I did not have my wallet with me.

A few months ago I was e-mailing a colleague back and forth and one of his e-mails said: "Next Friday is my birthday and I am turning an age that seems almost impossible to believe. I CANNOT BELIEVE I am now this old." I picked up the phone and called him to say "Are you going to be 60? I am sorry" You know what his response was? It was "THANK YOU, you are the ONLY person who has hit the right sentiment." He was fed up with hearing "Oh how wonderful, what great life you have had." We both agreed YES it has been a wonderful life with lots of accomplishments and accolades and will probably continue to be but aging still sucks.

My father who is not a very sentimental dude or for that matter a very expressive guy has recently lost two of his brothers and when I called to see how he was doing, you know what his response was? It was: "You know, I am fine and proud of what I have done. I am happy with my life, BUUUUT I LIIIIKE life, I do not want to get off the carousel. I want another ticket. I want to go around again"

Yesterday  I met with a few friends who I do not see regularly. We span an age range of 43 to 55. We are going to seem ungrateful with this but we all agreed that as my colleague and Dad said, aging sucks and we don't like it. And the general odd, weird concensus is that it happened too fast AND we did not see it coming. I know it sound ridiculous, HOWWW???? could we not have seen it coming ?! - aging is one of those things that kinda hits you in the face literally EVERY DAY! It is happening as I write this.

Why are we all so surprised? Why is this hitting us "unexpectedly" in the face"? Why are we acting like deer caught in headlights? Huh?? What? How? Why are we all waking up on our birthdays thinking - how the fuck did this happen? WTF?!?!?

Here it is, we are not prepared because it DID happen FAST, the Earth has been around for gizijillions of years and we are around for a measly 100 of those (if you are lucky). In the whole evolutionary scheme of things THAT is an INFINITESIMAL amount of time!!! Turns out that as of today we know that atoms do not represent the smallest unit of matter. Particles called quarks and leptons seem to be the fundamental building blocks of matter but it seems that there might be something even smaller. I hate to break this to you but it seems that in terms of infinitesimal things  .... we are the quarks of evolution (mind you fruit flies are even worse, I wonder if this happens to them - in their little brains they are like ... hold oooonnnnn just half a second ago ago I  was flying around and now I CAN'T - aging sucks!).

So, if you want to feel better be assured ...... it DID happen overnight. I DID find myself pulling out my gray hair from one day to another. My running injuries DID go from being healed in one day to being healed in 3 months in a blink. Going from "full" bodied to "fluff" bodied DID actually JUST creep up on me. Benjamin DID grow a few feet and his voice DID change from Monday to Tuesday. Sebastian DID become a 6 foot full bearded man on his almost way to University overnight.

In summary, EVERYTHING DID JUST HAPPEN IN A FLASH!!! There, now I feel better.

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The penis inspector

I tend to post some of the endearing and funny experiences that I have with the kids in my clinic on Facebook. I have had MANY! but last week's took the cake as it led to some clever person following up on the event with a fake "license".

This was my post: This afternoon in clinic: I had brothers in the exam room sitting side by side on the exam table, ages 8 and 10. I say to the 10 year old "You are going to have to take your pants off because I need to have a look" He asks: "You need to see my penis?!" I say "Yes, but don't worry, it is a very quick look." The 8 year old brother turns to him and says "Yes, she needs to look at your penis, but don't worry she is a doctor, the government gives her permission to do that"

Th next day I found a Penis Inspector License (see image below) in my mailbox at work. And despite ample detective CSI type work on my part the culprit has still not claimed the deed.

These are a few other things I have heard and learned from kids:

1) I look pretty when I wear pink

2) Red nail polish is ONLY for Christmas

3) I have pretty hair

4) My hands are too cold

5) I should not be wearing heels to work, runners are more comfortable

6) I talk too much and ask too many questions

7) Tortoises dwell on land, turtles in water

8) "Dr. Lopez if you give needles kids will not like you"

9) Santa ALSO doesn't like doctors who give needles

10) Dora speaks better Spanish than me

11) The tooth fairy is cheap

11) My butt is WAY TOO big to fit in a small chair

There you have it. Out of the mouth of babes.