Here is the question: When do you give?

Over the last 46 years I have learned that it takes some tenacity to achieve what you want but I have also learned (as was drilled by my father into all of us) that in order to make the most of this tenacity one MUST weigh the costs against the benefits of a particular situation. What was not clear to me though was how much weight every benefit has to have to outweigh the costs. Am I making sense?

There are times when there is absolute clarity, no problem. The happiness of going on a school field trip to Stanley Park with #2 at age 11 far outweigh the possible need to pay for therapy for a 30 year old who did not spend enought time with his mother (I say this in jest but hey, it might happen despite all of #1 and #2 assurances).

Possibly extending my life for a few years (ok maybe months) if I run a few more ks each week outweighs the overwhelming need to lie on the couch with a bag of chips on my lap (today at least). Is the effort you put into a friendship worth it when you are the one always initiating contact BUT when you speak you laugh the entire time and it is as if you had seen each other yesterday? The answer is YES!! See? Clear costs and benefits.

Sometimes though it is not so clear - Is the red velvet muffin worth the calories? For the uninitiated in the cupcake arena the answer (as above with the friend) is always a resounding YES!! but is is often not worth it when you see the summer pile on you a couple of extra pounds. Is the confusing barrage of e-mails and stress from Pharma while on holidays worth the satisfaction of collaboration? Are 48 hours of FX research training worth a 22 hour flight to Santiago de Chile??? Mmmmhhhh .....???

So, when do you give? When do you eat the muffin or better yet when do you NOT eat the muffin? After only one pound? Two? When do you call your friend? Do you wait for their call? When do you drop the Pharma? After you have spent the last year reading, organizing, discussing, talking and doing? How much does it cost to walk away? Or if it becomes too much - is there beauty in walking away?

Feel free to contribute your thoughts. In the meantime I'll sit here and ponder while listening to Marie Digby who seems to know the way out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrFi7ydokgI