Over the last 46 years I have learned that it takes some tenacity to achieve what you want but I have also learned (as was drilled by my father into all of us) that in order to make the most of this tenacity one MUST weigh the costs against the benefits of a particular situation. What was not clear to me though was how much weight every benefit has to have to outweigh the costs. Am I making sense?
There are times when there is absolute clarity, no problem. The happiness of going on a school field trip to Stanley Park with #2 at age 11 far outweigh the possible need to pay for therapy for a 30 year old who did not spend enought time with his mother (I say this in jest but hey, it might happen despite all of #1 and #2 assurances).
Possibly extending my life for a few years (ok maybe months) if I run a few more ks each week outweighs the overwhelming need to lie on the couch with a bag of chips on my lap (today at least). Is the effort you put into a friendship worth it when you are the one always initiating contact BUT when you speak you laugh the entire time and it is as if you had seen each other yesterday? The answer is YES!! See? Clear costs and benefits.
Sometimes though it is not so clear - Is the red velvet muffin worth the calories? For the uninitiated in the cupcake arena the answer (as above with the friend) is always a resounding YES!! but is is often not worth it when you see the summer pile on you a couple of extra pounds. Is the confusing barrage of e-mails and stress from Pharma while on holidays worth the satisfaction of collaboration? Are 48 hours of FX research training worth a 22 hour flight to Santiago de Chile??? Mmmmhhhh .....???
So, when do you give? When do you eat the muffin or better yet when do you NOT eat the muffin? After only one pound? Two? When do you call your friend? Do you wait for their call? When do you drop the Pharma? After you have spent the last year reading, organizing, discussing, talking and doing? How much does it cost to walk away? Or if it becomes too much - is there beauty in walking away?
Feel free to contribute your thoughts. In the meantime I'll sit here and ponder while listening to Marie Digby who seems to know the way out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrFi7ydokgI
Friday, 14 September 2012
Friday, 7 September 2012
13 reasons why I post so much on facebook: Utopia.
1) I get positive feedback - once I did not post for a week or so and I got lots of e-mails wondering if I was okay and still alive.
2) I spent the last 12 years of my life being the picture taker and documenter of our life - there are a few pictures of me and the boys but it's mostly them. So so now I take every opportunity to document my own life.
3) ALL of my extended family lives elsewhere, I post, they read - we are somehow CONNECTED!
4) I have made friends all over the world and THIS is the way to keep track of them all. JUST what Mark Zuckerberg intended.
5) I see something I like, a place I want to go, a restaurant I'd like to try, an event, a conference, a good book, etc.. I get the link and post - no need to carry hand written notes or to enter it into the iPhone, go back to facebook and check. Also JUST what Mark Zuckerberg wants me to do.
6) I can showcase my kids and their happiness and my parents get to see it daily from Mexico
7) I get to interact with my young nephews and niece whenever I want to which has really made for a much closer relationship between us
8) I have a lot to say and people should hear it BUT hang on ........ here comes the BEST part, IF someone DOES not want to hear about you they DONT have to!!!! Off the news feed, off the friend list - problem solved!
9) On my wall I can say whatever I want, people may comment and if I don't like the comment I have the God-like power to DELETE IT!!!!!!!!
All of those are valid but in the end it may all come down to these last 4:
10) I am egocentric and I think the world revolves around me
11) I probably have OCD and thus a compulsive need to tell everyone what I do and where I am at all times
11) I also very likely have a mild touch of ADHD and thus mild but pervasive problems with self regulation
12) I have always been an overachiever?
Think about it, where in real life, can you just let loose all of your DSM-IV pathology? Delete what you dislike? Unfriend those who do not agree with you? Have the ones you love close? It is a truly intoxicating concept!! Who knew, in the end, Facebook, albeit virtual, is the true Utopia.
2) I spent the last 12 years of my life being the picture taker and documenter of our life - there are a few pictures of me and the boys but it's mostly them. So so now I take every opportunity to document my own life.
3) ALL of my extended family lives elsewhere, I post, they read - we are somehow CONNECTED!
4) I have made friends all over the world and THIS is the way to keep track of them all. JUST what Mark Zuckerberg intended.
5) I see something I like, a place I want to go, a restaurant I'd like to try, an event, a conference, a good book, etc.. I get the link and post - no need to carry hand written notes or to enter it into the iPhone, go back to facebook and check. Also JUST what Mark Zuckerberg wants me to do.
6) I can showcase my kids and their happiness and my parents get to see it daily from Mexico
7) I get to interact with my young nephews and niece whenever I want to which has really made for a much closer relationship between us
8) I have a lot to say and people should hear it BUT hang on ........ here comes the BEST part, IF someone DOES not want to hear about you they DONT have to!!!! Off the news feed, off the friend list - problem solved!
9) On my wall I can say whatever I want, people may comment and if I don't like the comment I have the God-like power to DELETE IT!!!!!!!!
All of those are valid but in the end it may all come down to these last 4:
10) I am egocentric and I think the world revolves around me
11) I probably have OCD and thus a compulsive need to tell everyone what I do and where I am at all times
11) I also very likely have a mild touch of ADHD and thus mild but pervasive problems with self regulation
12) I have always been an overachiever?
Think about it, where in real life, can you just let loose all of your DSM-IV pathology? Delete what you dislike? Unfriend those who do not agree with you? Have the ones you love close? It is a truly intoxicating concept!! Who knew, in the end, Facebook, albeit virtual, is the true Utopia.
Saturday, 1 September 2012
The blue-eyed summer
In June the children and I made our yearly pilgrimage to the Richmond Chinese Night Market where I bought blue colored prescripiton contact lenses. That very evening I put them on and went around the house with my blue magalocorneas and felt that I had somehow reinvented myself at age 46. I felt more attractive, sexier and maybe, just maybe, a little bit skinnier. Yep, you can get all that in a tiny $15 package!! :)
Before everyone goes "OMG I cannot believe you did that!! you will injure your eyes" I will tell you NO!! they do not injure your eyes. First, cheap colored prescription contact lenses improved my vision without harm (as scientifically confirmed by my very own very annoyed Optometrist who HAD to see me on a Sunday morning to documente the miracle) and let me tell you, ONCE you see WELL (back to hawk-like vision) you can NEVER not see well again. For many years I have asked this same Optometrist to make my vision "crisp", as crisp as a vascular surgeon may have in order to do complicated surgery on small vessels, but he kept saying it could not be done. He was baffled at the change and said "there was no science to explain the improvement" Whatever, it WORKED!!
As an aside this reminds me of my grandfather Raul who had worn glasses all of his life and eventually had cataract surgery at age 70 or so. Well, lo and behold his new eyesight was comparable to that of an eagle and when he woke up from surgery the first thing he saw were his wife's knees who were quite calloused as she was a devout catholic woman who attended mass daily and prayed while kneeling practically all of the days of her life. But anyway I digress, as I said, he wakes up, opens his eyes and the first thing he says to her is: "WHAT IS THAT on your knees??!!" (proof of his very poor prior vision if he could not even see his wife's knees, right?). Her very quick and succint answer "Oh, be quiet. They are callouses from kneeling and praying for YOU!" I loooooove that story.
To contine with the blue eyes, I will inform you that this eye change also led to an unexpected social behaviour experiment. To note, most people DO NOT pay attention to details. I cannot tell you how many times a good friend or colleague would stare at my face with this far away confused look before realizing that I had new fake bue eyes. Those of use trained in dysmorphology - WE PAY ATTENTION! This is our every day bread and butter, diagnosis of a particular disorder can be exclusively based on eye findings, be it color, Waardenburg syndrome or shape, Ohdo syndrome to name a couple. In regards to this social behaviour, one of my work colleagues (not a dysmorphologist) had me wondering for half a day if I had in some way offended her because she kept looking but not really looking at me until I asked: "Have I done something to upset you?" and she answered: "No, but there is something weird about you today" "Oooooh I now have blue eyes" and then her demeanor changed and an big "Ohhhhh" of recognition followed that put an end to all of the speculation of an offense on my part and an end to the weird looks on hers.
So to end this little diatribe, September is here and I am back to brown. I don't know if I will stay brown or maybe try something else, grey, green ...... the possibilities are endless. After all, there is not much, except some very painful and expensive cosmetic surgery that may in the end have me looking like one of those duck-faced Vancouver Housewives on TV that can provoke such a "feel-good" change at 46 eh?
Before everyone goes "OMG I cannot believe you did that!! you will injure your eyes" I will tell you NO!! they do not injure your eyes. First, cheap colored prescription contact lenses improved my vision without harm (as scientifically confirmed by my very own very annoyed Optometrist who HAD to see me on a Sunday morning to documente the miracle) and let me tell you, ONCE you see WELL (back to hawk-like vision) you can NEVER not see well again. For many years I have asked this same Optometrist to make my vision "crisp", as crisp as a vascular surgeon may have in order to do complicated surgery on small vessels, but he kept saying it could not be done. He was baffled at the change and said "there was no science to explain the improvement" Whatever, it WORKED!!
As an aside this reminds me of my grandfather Raul who had worn glasses all of his life and eventually had cataract surgery at age 70 or so. Well, lo and behold his new eyesight was comparable to that of an eagle and when he woke up from surgery the first thing he saw were his wife's knees who were quite calloused as she was a devout catholic woman who attended mass daily and prayed while kneeling practically all of the days of her life. But anyway I digress, as I said, he wakes up, opens his eyes and the first thing he says to her is: "WHAT IS THAT on your knees??!!" (proof of his very poor prior vision if he could not even see his wife's knees, right?). Her very quick and succint answer "Oh, be quiet. They are callouses from kneeling and praying for YOU!" I loooooove that story.
To contine with the blue eyes, I will inform you that this eye change also led to an unexpected social behaviour experiment. To note, most people DO NOT pay attention to details. I cannot tell you how many times a good friend or colleague would stare at my face with this far away confused look before realizing that I had new fake bue eyes. Those of use trained in dysmorphology - WE PAY ATTENTION! This is our every day bread and butter, diagnosis of a particular disorder can be exclusively based on eye findings, be it color, Waardenburg syndrome or shape, Ohdo syndrome to name a couple. In regards to this social behaviour, one of my work colleagues (not a dysmorphologist) had me wondering for half a day if I had in some way offended her because she kept looking but not really looking at me until I asked: "Have I done something to upset you?" and she answered: "No, but there is something weird about you today" "Oooooh I now have blue eyes" and then her demeanor changed and an big "Ohhhhh" of recognition followed that put an end to all of the speculation of an offense on my part and an end to the weird looks on hers.
So to end this little diatribe, September is here and I am back to brown. I don't know if I will stay brown or maybe try something else, grey, green ...... the possibilities are endless. After all, there is not much, except some very painful and expensive cosmetic surgery that may in the end have me looking like one of those duck-faced Vancouver Housewives on TV that can provoke such a "feel-good" change at 46 eh?
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