Wonderwoman

I was sitting at the kitchen table last night with one very large printed calendar in front of me and my laptop outlook Express open so that I can sanely keep track of my clinic dates, summer holidays and trips, Fragile X related activities as well as other conferences while at the same time recording (on both systems, electronic and printed)  the children's summer camps, trips and other summer activities, when Benjamin, (who has been looking over my shoulder the whole time) says: "I bet you not even the President of the United States has a schedule as busy as this".

As soon as I heard that I was tempted to say f*ck it, dump the whole scheduling thing and wing the whole summer on a let's-take-it-one-day-at-a-time plan. But after a long deep breath I realized that "plan" would cause me such anxiety that it was just not worth it. So I got hold of my "wonderwoman" inner self and planned, scheduled, made lists and I am pretty sure that I have the next 75 days under control. Yes, the whole summer is under control.

Today my friend and fellow geneticist posted a provocative article on Facebook written by Anne-Marie Slaughter http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/. She is the first woman director of policy planning at the US State Department , a very BIG and important job, her dream job, as she describes it. Unfortunately, she writes, while performing her dream job she was unable to stop thinking about ther 14 yeard old first days in high school and the difficulties he was having. THIS I thought is EVERY full time working woman's dilemma, a universal experience or so it seems to me from numerous conversations with other women over the years. The question is: Do we take the dream job and "neglect" the children?

I have clinic all day today, I love my job but I would have also LOVED to be a Benjamin's Sports Day, putting up balloons and cheering my child with all of the other mothers. Instead I did my work while feeling guilty and neglectful. It also does not help that at other times I have been judged because as one of the other mothers put it: "Isn't it sad that you miss all of the important events in the kids lives?". Funny, how I would  have been considered totally RUDE if I had said : "Isn't it sad that you do not make any money to help your family?" but she felt it was okay to judge me. At any rate, I held my tongue.

Last year I was offered a positon at Harvard, when I told my aunts in Mexico (I come from an unusual Mexican family where all of the females in the previous generation are career working women where professional achievements are celebrated in full) one of them said "I just got goose bumps from hearing that, such an accomplishment, will you take it?" and I said: "No, I want to be with my children and I do not want to disrupt their life." Her response: "Good choice".

It IS a good choice but it would be better if the measures proposed by Slaughter were put in place. It would be better if women supported all decisions made by other women without judgment. It would be better if we could all amp up our career after children were "finished" growing up as she suggessts. It would be better not to feel guilty about not being the perfect mother while working. It would be better if we could all be wonderwomen but that only happens on TV.