Every Tuesday I am in charge of collecting Benjamin from my house and delivering him to badminton lessons at the Vancouver Lawn Tennis and Badminton Club (VLTBC). I know, it sounds hoity-toity and it is hoity-toity but from today's experience in the parking lot I have figured out at least one of the members is an ass and real far from being hoity-toity. Or maybe he actually is the EPITOME of hoity-toitiness.
First, let me give you some backgound, there is well know VLTBC parking etiquette. The rule is if there are no spaces when you arrive you must travel to the end of the lot and circle the roundabout and wait on the right hand side for a space to clear up. EVERYONE or so I thought follows this rule (even if you are Mexican like me and this feels alien to you). Anyway this Tuesday I did the expected and waited on the right while another car pulled out of its spot that was meant to be for me when in comes a fancy little red Porsche and PULLS INTO MY SPOT!! and my first thought was: WHOA, HOW UNCANADIAN!!!
Anyway, I am LIVID as get out of my car (with my newly acquired I-am-a-total-bad-ass-and-can-take-you-down black eye) and politely say: "You are probably not familiar with the rules but I was waiting for this spot" and he answers: "I do not care (nice dude eh?), those rules do not work when the management does not enforce the other rule of not letting the non-members park here". "But I am a member" I said in total disbelief and his totally incredible rude response?....... "Like I said I do not care".
Back to the car I go while steaming and having visions of stabbing all of his tires so he ends up stranded. Or at least scratching my car key over the side of his precious little red car (now I sound like Carrie Underwood). You will ask, well, did you? Did you? Did you?!! No, I didn't, but I REALLY REALLY wanted to.
What is is about parking spots that makes one primitively territorial? What is it about a particular parking situation that makes us so upset? Is it about winning? Is it anger about the blatant disregard for the person's right to the spot? Why is this? Why does this make us so incredibly upset? If another lady grabs the last pair of shoes I wanted or dress I liked I do not have the same reaction so what is it about parking spots?
But when I think about it, it is not just parking lots, it is other situations that happen in cars too, people cutting in front of you or not allowing you into the cue also provoke extreme anger. Why haven't we evolved to tolerate this? Surely, higly evolved beings should be able to rationally look at the situation and think, noooo problem I am cool and calm, another parking spot will open up really soon so nooooo worries. But we don't, instead we become irrational cavemen and women thinking I will NEVER find another parking spot or I will NEVER get into the tunnel's cue and this is MY TERRITORY! MINE!!
Beware of who you cross though, because you never know where you might encounter this person again. Many years ago I was waiting for a long time at a gas station to pull into a spot and put gas in my car when a brown SUV pulls into my spot. I get out of the car and tell the man "I was waiting and it was my turn to pull in". He turns to me and says "Sorry but we are late for golf". I say: "Well you are going to have to move" and he says: "No I can't, we are late for golf" while he turns to his friend and they both start laughing. Unbelievable as***ole.
The very next day I show up at the UBC soccer camp to the kid's last day "World Cup" competition and THERE HE IS, THE A***OLE! and his kid and mine are on the same team. Now I should tell you that because the kids had ended up on the Mexico team my father had sent 7 Mexico team jerseys for the whole of Sebastian's team. Well, he sees me and I can tell he is trying to avoid eye contact at all cost. But I go right up to him and say: "I have Mexico jerseys for the whole team and I am going to give one to your son despite what you did yesterday because I am sure it is not his fault you are such an as***hole". Then I cooly turn around and walk away with my head held high. HA! I WIN!
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Tuesday 22 May 2012
My Voldemort voice.
Voldermot, now there is a scary dude eh? As we all know almost no witch or wizard (or in this case - the children living in my house) dare to speak his name, instead referring to him (or in this case me) as "You-Know-Who", "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" or "the Dark Lord". Exactly the way I need to be addressed during my "Voldemort days".
My day began with the visit of unexpected sun - good!!! and BIG TIME dissappointment - bad. Plus, I got my hair cut on Sunday and it ended up much shorter than the comfortable 19 inches I like plus the bangs are also too short!!! This set the tune for the week. I will not bore you with the big dissappointment details. Needless to say I was expecting something and it did not happen. Now, I am 46 and should be perfectly capable of handling this dissappointment right? Yes, but much to everyone's distress it is happening during one of those Voldemort days.
Then today after checking e-mail and getting the afore mentioned BIG TIME dissappointment I get in the shower only to realize after I am done, that the wet towels from last night's showers were not laid out to dry so I had to dry off with a damp towel - cold and unpleasant. Then I walk downstairs to find out that last night's perishables were not put away. This would have, on a better day, been handled calmly by getting the perpetrators up to clean the kitchen instead it became a dramatic, loud "I cannot believe you guys behave like this" while all the time using my Voldermot voice. Yes, over the years I have found my Voldermot voice and I am always surprised to see how effective it is in getting my point across.
I continued to use the voice as I drove to work and cursed the construction work been done along Dunbar and 33rd and on what seems to be every street in Vancouver this Spring, which made me late for my first patient. Every once in a while I would look up at the rearview mirror and see the bangs - which led to more evil dark thoughts. WHY did I get bangs in the first place???
In my house I know both Sebastian and Benjamin are wishing for Harry Potter skills so that the prophecy can come true and they can have the power to vanquish the Dark Lord. I would suggest the Cheering Charm. Description: Causes the person upon whom the spell was cast to become happy and contented, though heavy-handedness with the spell may cause the person to break into an uncontrollable laughing fit. Maybe that will work.
Thursday 10 May 2012
WHO loves you?
Today is mother's day in Mexico - 10 de Mayo Dia de las Madres, forever etched in my memory .
In this day and age where the value and meaning of being a mother is being debated on CNN on a daily basis and Hilary Rosen makes statements like "Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life" because she has been a stay at home mother for her entire life I wonder - what exactly does it mean to be a mother nowadays? Who is a mother?
It used to be easy, your mother was the woman who contributed half her DNA to making you, carried you around in her uterus for 9 months and pushed you out of her body. But this old definition is trite and old fashioned now and we have to come up with a new definition.
Lately, I find myself needing a pre-load mother defining word, biological mother, adoptive mother, surrogate mother, foster mother, working mother, stay-at-home mother, the list goes on and on. So, which am I? Well, let's see, I am a biological mother to my biological children but I think I am also often a surrogate mother (not in the sense that I carried them) but in the I-am-here-if-you-need-me kind of way to some other children and my patients. I can also sometimes be an adoptive mother to some neighborhood stragglers with working mothers who need a few hours of shelter in my house. I am also a working mother and sometimes during my "work" holidays I am also a stay-at-home mother. So am I all mothers?
In the ends it comes down to this - Who LOVES YOU? (thank you Joe Biden for the inspiration). WHO LOVES YOU? THAT is your mother, whether they contributed half of their DNA or not, whether they carried you or not, whether they work outside the home or stay at home. The woman (or sometimes women) who are in your life on a regular basis, take care to make sure you are happy and love you THAT is your mother. And by the way, you do not have to have JUST one mother either.
So I AM a mother, I love my biological children and other children. I make sure they are happy if they live in my house and do my darndest when they do not - particularly for my patients. I love them with hugs and kisses but I also love them with nagging. I love them when I want them to eat well, dress in clean clothes, not smell :), exercise, brush their teeth, make them learn and push them to try new experiences. I love them when I listen to their thoughts and ideas. I love them when I arrange for another mother to pick them up from school or other activities. I love them when I make sure their friends are safe and happy. I also love them when I am working to make money and make sure they have everything they need.
So to all of us out there being mothers today and every other day - GOOD JOB!
In this day and age where the value and meaning of being a mother is being debated on CNN on a daily basis and Hilary Rosen makes statements like "Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life" because she has been a stay at home mother for her entire life I wonder - what exactly does it mean to be a mother nowadays? Who is a mother?
It used to be easy, your mother was the woman who contributed half her DNA to making you, carried you around in her uterus for 9 months and pushed you out of her body. But this old definition is trite and old fashioned now and we have to come up with a new definition.
Lately, I find myself needing a pre-load mother defining word, biological mother, adoptive mother, surrogate mother, foster mother, working mother, stay-at-home mother, the list goes on and on. So, which am I? Well, let's see, I am a biological mother to my biological children but I think I am also often a surrogate mother (not in the sense that I carried them) but in the I-am-here-if-you-need-me kind of way to some other children and my patients. I can also sometimes be an adoptive mother to some neighborhood stragglers with working mothers who need a few hours of shelter in my house. I am also a working mother and sometimes during my "work" holidays I am also a stay-at-home mother. So am I all mothers?
In the ends it comes down to this - Who LOVES YOU? (thank you Joe Biden for the inspiration). WHO LOVES YOU? THAT is your mother, whether they contributed half of their DNA or not, whether they carried you or not, whether they work outside the home or stay at home. The woman (or sometimes women) who are in your life on a regular basis, take care to make sure you are happy and love you THAT is your mother. And by the way, you do not have to have JUST one mother either.
So I AM a mother, I love my biological children and other children. I make sure they are happy if they live in my house and do my darndest when they do not - particularly for my patients. I love them with hugs and kisses but I also love them with nagging. I love them when I want them to eat well, dress in clean clothes, not smell :), exercise, brush their teeth, make them learn and push them to try new experiences. I love them when I listen to their thoughts and ideas. I love them when I arrange for another mother to pick them up from school or other activities. I love them when I make sure their friends are safe and happy. I also love them when I am working to make money and make sure they have everything they need.
So to all of us out there being mothers today and every other day - GOOD JOB!
Wednesday 9 May 2012
You know you need to go grocery shopping when ..
1) It is the fifth night in a row you have suggested the kids have hot dogs for dinner and yes, why not try them wihout the bun?
2) You think - Who said ice cream cannot be a meal?
3) You go on google for recipes that can put tortillas, cookie dough and one chicken breast (since they are the only things left in the freezer) together in a deliciously inventive new way.
4) You find yourself looking at the wilted half heart of romaine in the fridge and thinking with enough dressing that might be tasty.
5) The kids are eagerly waiting for you when you come home from work flapping the take out menu flyers in the air with a huge smiles on their faces wondering: what will we order tonight?
6) You start going through the cans in the pantry (you all know this is a true sign of desperation since most of us hold those cans FOREVER). All of those gourmet curried beans, gourmet garlic and sun dried tomate cous cous, jalapeno jam and other obscure other inhabitants of the pantry that you thought would make the perfect sophisticated meal until you got them home and realized nope, they won't really.
7) When the 11 year old suggessts that you walk down to Tim Horton's and have doughnuts for dinner you immediate response is: SURE, why not?
2) You think - Who said ice cream cannot be a meal?
3) You go on google for recipes that can put tortillas, cookie dough and one chicken breast (since they are the only things left in the freezer) together in a deliciously inventive new way.
4) You find yourself looking at the wilted half heart of romaine in the fridge and thinking with enough dressing that might be tasty.
5) The kids are eagerly waiting for you when you come home from work flapping the take out menu flyers in the air with a huge smiles on their faces wondering: what will we order tonight?
6) You start going through the cans in the pantry (you all know this is a true sign of desperation since most of us hold those cans FOREVER). All of those gourmet curried beans, gourmet garlic and sun dried tomate cous cous, jalapeno jam and other obscure other inhabitants of the pantry that you thought would make the perfect sophisticated meal until you got them home and realized nope, they won't really.
7) When the 11 year old suggessts that you walk down to Tim Horton's and have doughnuts for dinner you immediate response is: SURE, why not?
Tuesday 1 May 2012
Handicapped or handicapable?
NEVER, in my wildest dreams of career life, would I have thought that I would have to apologize for a child NOT filling the criteria for a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) ie. NOT having Autism. However, this is exactly what I find myself doing almost every Monday in clinic, apologizing. Had to apologize again yesterday and today.
You would think that a child NOT having an ASD is a very good thing. Well, not in British Columbia. You see in BC every child below the age of five diagnosed with an ASD gets $20,000 dollars (Canadian health care dollars) a year for developmental interventions. After the age of five if a child is diagnosed with an ASD or already has a diagnosis of ASD parents get $6000 dollars a year for developmental interventions as the rest of the developmental support will now be transferred and funded through their school. Please note however, that NO OTHER DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER RECEIVES THIS KIND OF FUNDING. So, of course parents WANT this diagnosis!
Let me be clear, parents want this diagnosis not because they want the money for selfish purposes but because this child may not have Autism but he or she very likely has another just as functionally impairing developmental disorder. There is a reason, after all, this child ended up at my door. A reason he or she came to see a Developmental Pediatrician. Most of them are not doing well in the community or in the school. And chances are that although the child did not fit the DSM-IV clinical criteria for an Autism diagnosis he or she filled it for another condition. So he or she COULD definitely use the resources this funding provides.
Even more appalling is that the aforemetioneed ASD funding ends at the age of 18 when, of course, MAGICALLY, the child, now adult, NO LONGER has autism (can you hear the sarcasm?). This measure is ridiculously akin to the proposal of asking a child with Cerebral Palsy to give up his wheelchair just because he or she is now age 18. NOBODY would dream of doing that!!
So forget the diagnosis, it is all about FUNCTION! Those of you who heard me speak know I am all about FUNCTION!!! What can this child/adult do? What can't this child/adult do? How can we help support this REGARDLESS or even WITHOUT a diagnosis? HOW do we make this happen?
The best definition of an intellectual disability (what we used to call mental retardation) was proposed by Luckasson et al., in 1992. ‘‘Mental retardation [Intellectual disability] is not something you have, like blue eyes or a bad heart, nor is it something you are, like short or thin. It is not a medical disorder or a mental disorder. Mental retardation [Intellectual disability] reflects the ‘fit’ between the capabilities of individuals and the structure and expectations of their environment’’ . This definition applies to ALL developmental disorders. Fit, change, modify, support the environment and people FUNCTION!!!
We, in BC, have made some progress in changing people's mindset. Some of our school districts are doing this, addressing kids functionally, unfortunately still under the constraints of certain measures (school designations). Slowly, very slowly, the importance of function is setting in. But even last week I heard a family saying: "She is not getting school resources BECAUSE she does not yet have a diagnosis". Again FORGET the diagnosis. FUNCTION, FUNCTION, FUNCTION - THAT is the key! Give a child or adult what he or she needs to optimize his or her developmental outcome at whatever level that may be.
Enough support and maybe we can change this paradigm. Maybe we can ..... to quote the "evil" Sue Sylvester in Glee, make sure that people are not handicapped but "HANDICAPABLE!!"
You would think that a child NOT having an ASD is a very good thing. Well, not in British Columbia. You see in BC every child below the age of five diagnosed with an ASD gets $20,000 dollars (Canadian health care dollars) a year for developmental interventions. After the age of five if a child is diagnosed with an ASD or already has a diagnosis of ASD parents get $6000 dollars a year for developmental interventions as the rest of the developmental support will now be transferred and funded through their school. Please note however, that NO OTHER DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER RECEIVES THIS KIND OF FUNDING. So, of course parents WANT this diagnosis!
Let me be clear, parents want this diagnosis not because they want the money for selfish purposes but because this child may not have Autism but he or she very likely has another just as functionally impairing developmental disorder. There is a reason, after all, this child ended up at my door. A reason he or she came to see a Developmental Pediatrician. Most of them are not doing well in the community or in the school. And chances are that although the child did not fit the DSM-IV clinical criteria for an Autism diagnosis he or she filled it for another condition. So he or she COULD definitely use the resources this funding provides.
Even more appalling is that the aforemetioneed ASD funding ends at the age of 18 when, of course, MAGICALLY, the child, now adult, NO LONGER has autism (can you hear the sarcasm?). This measure is ridiculously akin to the proposal of asking a child with Cerebral Palsy to give up his wheelchair just because he or she is now age 18. NOBODY would dream of doing that!!
So forget the diagnosis, it is all about FUNCTION! Those of you who heard me speak know I am all about FUNCTION!!! What can this child/adult do? What can't this child/adult do? How can we help support this REGARDLESS or even WITHOUT a diagnosis? HOW do we make this happen?
The best definition of an intellectual disability (what we used to call mental retardation) was proposed by Luckasson et al., in 1992. ‘‘Mental retardation [Intellectual disability] is not something you have, like blue eyes or a bad heart, nor is it something you are, like short or thin. It is not a medical disorder or a mental disorder. Mental retardation [Intellectual disability] reflects the ‘fit’ between the capabilities of individuals and the structure and expectations of their environment’’ . This definition applies to ALL developmental disorders. Fit, change, modify, support the environment and people FUNCTION!!!
We, in BC, have made some progress in changing people's mindset. Some of our school districts are doing this, addressing kids functionally, unfortunately still under the constraints of certain measures (school designations). Slowly, very slowly, the importance of function is setting in. But even last week I heard a family saying: "She is not getting school resources BECAUSE she does not yet have a diagnosis". Again FORGET the diagnosis. FUNCTION, FUNCTION, FUNCTION - THAT is the key! Give a child or adult what he or she needs to optimize his or her developmental outcome at whatever level that may be.
Enough support and maybe we can change this paradigm. Maybe we can ..... to quote the "evil" Sue Sylvester in Glee, make sure that people are not handicapped but "HANDICAPABLE!!"
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