PRE-traumatic stress disorder

The other day I was being my overworried mother self: "Where exactly is this event that you are going to?" "Who are you going with?" "How are you getting there?" "What do you mean you are biking there?" "Well, have you checked what time the sun sets?" "NO? well do you have decent bike lights?" "What are you going to wear then, you can't wear dark colors, you'll get hit by a car!" "What is your route, I need to know where to start looking if you go missing?" "Will you carry a cell phone?" "I DO NOT CARE if it is to bulky on the bike!" "Well, carry a fanny pack." "NO, I don't care it fanny packs are for wussies"

Now, I must preface, #1 is a GOOD GOOD egg but a teenager good egg nonetheless so after the 10th eye roll  this ended with me yelling "YOU KNOW I AM JUST TRYING TO ENSURE YOUR WELL BEING RIGHT?" (please refer to previous blog Nagging IS loving behaviour). Finally all questions answered and all plans made an agreement is made and off the child goes.

This was all heard by #2 who was quietly watching the exchange (and GOD I hope learning from it!!) and once #1 was out the door he says to me (with the accompanying roll of the eyes) "Jeeeeezz, mother you constantly worry and ask so many questions you are so..... so.... so .... PARENTAL!!!" Yes, he called me parental. I think it is a good thing that I was called parental but I am sure it is more like a new vernacular teenage lingo word that actually means "HOLY-CRAP-can-you-BELIEVE-my mother!". Anyway I chose to make it a good word and will wear my "parentality" proudly.

Parenting, it is a tough bussiness eh? A few months ago #1 asked to go to a party and I AGAIN asked 10,000 questions. Now #1 is saying that I am always anticipating the worst and do not need to be so worried, apparently I have PRE-traumatic stress disorder. Finally he said "I am going with (cue heavenly music and God like heavenly rays) .... SAM"

Now, let me tell you about Sam because every household should have a Sam. Sam is a giant 6 foot 3 inches tall 15 year old young man and he plays rugby. This Sam is FOCUSSED, yes, all in caps, FOCUSSED and he is FOCUSSED because he is this close to receiving a rugby scholarship to an Australian University so he does NOTHING WRONG. Seriously, NOTHING, he will not expose himself to drinking (maybe he figures he will do plenty of it once he is recruited), he will not go near drugs and he studies hard. Sam will not risk his scholarship chances AT ALL. I should say that I think #1 would also not do any of these things but it is nice to have what I have taken to calling - SAMinsurance :)

So there they go off on the bus to a party that they did not know the address to but knew how to get to (do we agree already an issue?). Anyway I gave. Midnight and no word from them. So I text "all good?" and I get a CALL, YES, A CALL!! You know something is not quite right when a teenager USES a phone as it was intended. He calls to say they have left the party because the kids were drinking and getting stoned (15 year olds) and can someone come get them. So, I had to be "parental" and go get them of course.

It is almost mother's day and I have decided to honour the day as follows: I will curb the PREtraumatic stress disorder BUT continue to be PARENTAL!!! Happy Mother's Day!!!

I. AM. CANADIAN.

Tomorrow, on Friday March 14th at exactly 10:45 I will became a Canadian Citizen after 23 years of living in Canada. WHAT took you sooooooooooooo loooooooooong you might ask?

Well, I had started this process before and it got pretty far, (as far as all-we-need-now-are-your-fingerprints-and-its-almost-done) BUUUUUT .......... I never got it done and my application lapsed. You see it was 2006. And 2006 was THE year!! the VERY important year!

The year for what you say? Well the year I had been waiting for for the last 16 YEARS!!! YES! 16 YEARS!! 2006 was THE YEAR OF THE  CANADIAN ROYAL COLLEGE EXAM! Yes, after 16 years of re-training I was going to finally be certified to practice medicine in Canada (provided I passed the exam - which of course I did after studying really hard for 12 months), so you can see how travelling with a Canadian passport and voting in Federal elections (really the only two "extra" perks you get from being a citizen rather than a permanent resident) may not have been a priority at the time.

But NOW it is 2014 and .........  I. Am. Ready. So tomorrow at 10:45 I will wear red and proudly say the Canadian citizenship oath:  "I affirm that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, her heirs and successors and I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian citizen". Then I assume there will be applause and hugs and happy wishes.

After that I am hoping Canadianism will just fill me up with glee and joy so that I can say eh? without feeling like I am faking it, say sorry all the time and mean it, be passionate about hockey and beer, enjoy all winter sports, skate like I have been doing it all my life, know and properly identify all animals in the tundra, know how to build an igloo ;), buy shares of Tim Horton's, love maple syrup, continue to enjoy bacon (Canadian bacon that is), put vinegar on my fries (I. Dont. Think. So - YUCK!), and eat poutine.

No, seriously, all kidding aside I WILL BE PROUD TO BE A CANADIAN because:

1) Canada has welcomed me with opens arms
2) I have two Canadian kids
3) I have friends of all shapes, colors and nationalities in this multiculturalism heaven
4) Canada treats women and men equally
5) Same sex marriage is like any other marriage
6) Canada sees value in families and allows for a one year paid parental leave
7) Universal health care
8) Canada is committed to multilateralism and most importantly FIERCELY committed to peacekeeping efforts.
9) It has made environmental efforts one if it's top priorities
and
10) Canada is A GOOD SOLID KIND WELCOMING COUNTRY for those who come next

But let's face it mostly I am hoping that becoming Canadian means that I will never be cold again!!!!

Thank you Canada for becoming my adoptive land. I am sure we will be happy together eh?

15 years later - I wish you the best!

Yesterday I met for dinner with a bunch of women who I had not seen for at least 15 years. I occasionally run into a few of them at the grocery store or Tim Horton's or the Second Cup or even in the halls of British Columbia's Children's Hospital where most of us work.

Unfortunately, those quick meetings are always at the expense of having to go somewhere else, pick up children somewhere, need to get to a meeting somewhere or to see a patient somewhere. Nonetheless, we make time to exchange the quickest of hugs and hellos and a very heartfelt "I'm so glad to see you. I miss you". Needless to say these stolen few seconds of every day life are never enough to bring ourselves up to date.

So yesterday we met. We met!!!! We had 15 years of catchup to do. When we were together 15 years ago some of us were struggling with major life decisions and now those decisions have been made and I am proud to say they led us down a good path.  Some of us were beginning new careers now we are old farts who know what we are doing. 15 years ago a few of us were pregnant now those kids are adolescents!!!

Last night, we shared happy and sad moments. We remembered patients lost and we thanked them for the learning they provided. We remembered colleagues. We reminisced about the past.  I thanked them for the shower they threw me when I was pregnant with Sebastian and I also thanked them for looking in on Benjamin when he was intubated in the special care nursery, a task that they did willingly (sometimes in the middle of the night) when I was not there. I thanked them for all of the things they taught me when I began my career as a doctor in Canada. I thanked them for their friendship and company, EVEN if we have not seen each other in a very long time.

We gossiped too, a lot!!!! Really, what reunion is a good reunion without it's good share of gossip?  We laughed and laughed.

I am glad to say that 15 years later we are mostly healthy and mostly happy. Last night we looked back but we also looked forward. Forward to new adventures, to new challenges, to the joy of grandchildren (really Joan, a grandmother? IMPOSSIBLE to believe as my kids said when I showed them the pictures because Joan you should know, looks like a teenager).

I look forward to the next 15 years. I look forward to seeing you all again in the halls at Children's, or the neighbourhood, or the coffee shop or the grocery store and catching a quick glance of each other while on our hurried way to something else and quietly thinking "We did well didn't well? I can't talk right now but you know, I WISH YOU THE BEST!".

Super Bowl Sunday.

In case you didn't know Mexicans are HUGE American Football fans. I would venture to say they are just as fanatical about football as they are about soccer. Maybe more?

Thus I grew up with it at home. All season long my father and brothers would watch all and any football  game available on TV. Yep, every Saturday, Sunday AND Monday night. And by osmosis so would I. This is how I learned about football just by being around. When it wasn't yet cool or expected for girls to know about football I KNEW about football. I was not only aware, I was knowledgeable!

Yes, knowledgeable. I know how the game is played, how to keep score, the difference between a touch down and a field goal, what being hit behind the line of scrimmage is and how many yards they need to advance with each down. I know about offensive units, defensive units and special team units. I know the difference between a lineman and a receiver. I know the difference between a fullback and a halfback and yes I also know what a tight end is and NO it has nothing to do with how tight their butt is!

By age 16 I could spew off names and had opinions about quarterbacks like Dan Marino, Terry Bradshaw, John Elway, Joe Montana, even Joe Namath (jeez this dates me huh?). I even knew who OJ Simpson was before he began behaving badly.

I remember the team of choice at home was of course the Dallas Cowboys. FYI - this is possibly "Mexico's team" in the sense that A LOT of Mexicans like the Dallas Cowboys. One of my brothers however, has always been partial to the Seahawks and I hope that this is their and also HIS and his kids' year.

We were such fans that on my 15th birthday we took a trip to Dallas and my Dad bought tickets for us to watch a game while there. I don't think it was specially for my birthday, at 15 I was probably much more interested in clothes but I remember the game. I remember it being very cold and us having a discussion with the people behind us who were supporting the other team.

Over time I have come to realize how much this fascination with American football has become part of the fabric of my life. You have probably already noticed but different sport games have different sounds. I can distinguish (without looking at the TV) the stadium sound of a soccer game, a football game and/or a hockey game. They are distinct in the noise the fans make, the music they play and the noise from the game itself.

That very recognizable sound, the sound of an football game on TV is part of the ever present soundtrack of my life so much so that when I first arrived in Canada and was feeling homesick and lonely I would turn the TV on to a football game and INSTANTLY feel at home. I still do it once in a while, turn the TV on while I cook and BANG back home!!! Flood of memories.

Tomorrow is Super Bowl Sunday and there will not be a party and a bacchanalian feast like there was at my house when I was growing up but I will be watching and more importantly I will be .... FEELING AT HOME!!

GO SEAHAWKS!!!

Be okay.

Every year around this uphill January climb I start wondering what will this new year bring, what surprises await me? will it be happy? will it be sad? and most of the time I think of it as a passive process ie. what will IT do? Today I thought ..... HANG ON!!! I can do something about this. I am NOT at the mercy of what might happen!

I think this at other times (the not being at the mercy part) but today after paying a gazillion dollars in professional dues, having put out about 50 unexpected fires and feeling a little out of control I thought okay, all hands on deck - what am I going to do to make this a HAPPY 2014. So here goes , not exactly resolutions but more like things I need to do:

1) LET LIFE FLOW - if you know me, this will be hard, I have minimal ;) but prevalent control issues.

2) LET GO - if you know me, this will be hard, I have minimal ;) but prevalent letting go issues.

3) BREATHE - easy to say eh? Cant really NOT breathe, physiologically impossible. But I mean breathe in a Namaste West Coast kinda way.

4) LOOK AROUND - I do this already all the time but I want to be MINDFUL when I look around.

5) TAKE TIME TO BE QUIET AND SERENE - if you know me, THIS WILL BE HARD!!! I have minimal ;) but prevalent be quiet and serene issues. Clearly this is an ongoing theme.

6) I am mostly okay, but be MORE okay (overachieving eh?) should go on the list. Now I am just going to be stressed about being okay - Oh yeah forgot #3 BREATHE.

7) On the more mundane list of things I'd like to accomplish: Publish my short stories, take photography classes, visit Rome and walk the streets while being MINDFUL, continue to do the job that I love, eat healthy and exercise plus all of the other expected resolutions stuff.

Wish me luck. Namaste.

The weeks before Christmas

If you work with children like I do you HAVE to like Christmas. This one holiday along with Halloween provides the easiest questions to break the ice with children. Between "what are you going to be for Halloween?" and "what do you want for Christmas?" you've got the entire season covered. From October to December the conversations are easy no matter what developmental concerns there are.

So far this week I have gotten an idea of the popular toys, Big Hugs Elmo seems to be a good one. iPads are a frequent request and of course there is always good old Thomas the Train (amazing how 14 years later and I can STILL name all trains, their colors and their numbers! IMPRESSIVE eh?). A child this week told me he would like a beluga, when I said to his mother that should be easy (thinking buy a stuffed one or a plastic one) she said: "Oh no, not easy, he wants the real one at the aquarium". But the kiddo who took the cake was the one who negotiated with his mother to get on the scale to be weighed ONLY if Santa would bring him a puppy. Needless to say I stayed out of that particular negotiation.

I have also gotten insider information about the "good" Santas. As I posted on facebook the word on the street is that the one at the Oakridge Mall is not very good as he does not bring you what you want but the one at Metrotown is a good one because he brings what you ask for.

Other information provided to me this season includes stuff like "We can't have turkey at home because we don't eat birds" (when I made the mistake of asking a vegan child if he was going to eat turkey) or "My Dad cooks the turkey in the backyard" (after more questions I found out it is a deep fried turkey) or "My Mum is in charge of Christmas because my Dad can't cook and my grandma sleeps all the time".

One of the kids asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I was dumbfounded, I hadn't thought of it and could not come up with an answer..... what do I want? After a while I thought I don't want anything because I don't NEED anything, isn't that that great?!

I would like other people and particularly children to have what they need though so in order to give kids what they need AND make a difference I will give UNICEF's survival gifts. YES, sad but true, SURVIVAL gifts, the ONE aim of these gifts is for children to SURVIVE, not to be happy or care free but to survive. Like I said, sad but very very unfortunately true.

If you are like me and have everything you need consider this and GIVE this holiday season. Wouldn't it be great to know somehow you have made a difference? Happy Holidays!

https://secure3.unicef.ca/site/Ecommerce/1657021215?FOLDER=0&store_id=1201&gclid=CIfj85qen7sCFRHZQgodREkA5Q

LIFE

Even when you think you are prepared for a friend to die and you have not seen them in a long time, the pain is still abysmal. Even when you are thankful and know it is for the best that they are at peace now, there is still an enormous void. The sudden overwhelming pain at the "expected" news takes your breath away. It takes you by surprise despite the fact that you always knew this was going to happen and in the last little while you knew it could happen any minute. 

Her presence is in every high school memory I have. She always had a smile on her face. When we were growing up her house was the place where we would gather for lunch and talk endlessly. Hours and hours of talk. Discussions about boys mostly, but also the future, what our plans were and where we saw ourselves going. This continued during University even though we all went our different way, we would still have the weekend get togethers at her house. 

We took many trips to the beach together. I remember renting this dinky apartment in Acapulco and then every day walking to the beach at El Cano, where we would lie on our towels, eating coconut and jicama with lemon and chile that we had bought from the beach vendors and talking, talking, talking, all the time. I remember having to coordinate ourselves to fool the guards at the hotel entrace so we could cool off in their hotel pool which was off-limits to non-guests. I remember going for a long walk on the beach with her and on the way back throwing a towel in front of us for every step and then jumping on to it together because the sand was so hot. We couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous that was.

I remember when and how she met her husband. One day I want to sit down with her children and tell them about it, it makes for a great love story. I remember her wedding dress. I remember her wedding. I remember her decorating her new house. I remember her pregnant. I remember seeing her face when I showed up to meet her children as newborns and I remember her looking lovely.  I remember. I remember. I remember.

I know she ADORED  her children. One time she took her first born to one of those commercial auditions and he got chosen to be in a major add campaign for a large department store. I remember her proudly beaming while pointing out his smiley face on a few billboards in Mexico City. I remember her kids had dropped a marble in her brand new van and we couldn't find it so it would roll back and forth with every brake of the car, at first it was annoying but then it became a great source of fun. "WHERE is the GOD DAMN ghost marble? WHERE did you kids drop it?". She was incredibly generous, most of my children's first clothes were hand me downs from her. She was wise, I remember her giving Sebastian a plate of jello to play with and giving me plenty of advice when she was a much more experienced mother than I was. I remember. I remember. I remember.

I really do not recall ever seeing her in a bad mood and I know I am sounding like every other person who has ever written a tribute mentioning only the good things, but in this I am truthful. She was funny. She was ALIVE. She was caring. She would get worried. She was scared sometimes. She would get angry but not very often. Mostly, she was HAPPY.

I saw very little of her decline as I was living in Canada by then but we were born one day apart so we would always catch up on our birthdays and see each other when I was in Mexico City. She was one of those friends with whom you can start every new conversation as if you had seen each other the day before. Then one year I noticed she was disorganized in her thoughts and she could not follow our phone conversation. That same year I started hearing she wasn't remembering things and had a hard time with other tasks. Eventually this led to her diagnosis and the expected decline. I saw her a few years ago and despite her situation I thought she could hear me and laugh with me but maybe I was just being optimistic and WANTED her to hear me and laugh with me.

Today, as I sit here with this hole in my heart I have decided that what I need to do is to remember her LIFE. Today, my mind is full of her and I will smile and celebrate every time I think of her.