49 - 24 hours

I am 24 hours away from turning 49 (tomorrow I will post the hotly anticipated :) I am 49 blog post). Yesterday I left my jacket in the bathroom and lost my glasses somewhere. Then this morning I realized I did not have my wallet with me.

A few months ago I was e-mailing a colleague back and forth and one of his e-mails said: "Next Friday is my birthday and I am turning an age that seems almost impossible to believe. I CANNOT BELIEVE I am now this old." I picked up the phone and called him to say "Are you going to be 60? I am sorry" You know what his response was? It was "THANK YOU, you are the ONLY person who has hit the right sentiment." He was fed up with hearing "Oh how wonderful, what great life you have had." We both agreed YES it has been a wonderful life with lots of accomplishments and accolades and will probably continue to be but aging still sucks.

My father who is not a very sentimental dude or for that matter a very expressive guy has recently lost two of his brothers and when I called to see how he was doing, you know what his response was? It was: "You know, I am fine and proud of what I have done. I am happy with my life, BUUUUT I LIIIIKE life, I do not want to get off the carousel. I want another ticket. I want to go around again"

Yesterday  I met with a few friends who I do not see regularly. We span an age range of 43 to 55. We are going to seem ungrateful with this but we all agreed that as my colleague and Dad said, aging sucks and we don't like it. And the general odd, weird concensus is that it happened too fast AND we did not see it coming. I know it sound ridiculous, HOWWW???? could we not have seen it coming ?! - aging is one of those things that kinda hits you in the face literally EVERY DAY! It is happening as I write this.

Why are we all so surprised? Why is this hitting us "unexpectedly" in the face"? Why are we acting like deer caught in headlights? Huh?? What? How? Why are we all waking up on our birthdays thinking - how the fuck did this happen? WTF?!?!?

Here it is, we are not prepared because it DID happen FAST, the Earth has been around for gizijillions of years and we are around for a measly 100 of those (if you are lucky). In the whole evolutionary scheme of things THAT is an INFINITESIMAL amount of time!!! Turns out that as of today we know that atoms do not represent the smallest unit of matter. Particles called quarks and leptons seem to be the fundamental building blocks of matter but it seems that there might be something even smaller. I hate to break this to you but it seems that in terms of infinitesimal things  .... we are the quarks of evolution (mind you fruit flies are even worse, I wonder if this happens to them - in their little brains they are like ... hold oooonnnnn just half a second ago ago I  was flying around and now I CAN'T - aging sucks!).

So, if you want to feel better be assured ...... it DID happen overnight. I DID find myself pulling out my gray hair from one day to another. My running injuries DID go from being healed in one day to being healed in 3 months in a blink. Going from "full" bodied to "fluff" bodied DID actually JUST creep up on me. Benjamin DID grow a few feet and his voice DID change from Monday to Tuesday. Sebastian DID become a 6 foot full bearded man on his almost way to University overnight.

In summary, EVERYTHING DID JUST HAPPEN IN A FLASH!!! There, now I feel better.

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The penis inspector

I tend to post some of the endearing and funny experiences that I have with the kids in my clinic on Facebook. I have had MANY! but last week's took the cake as it led to some clever person following up on the event with a fake "license".

This was my post: This afternoon in clinic: I had brothers in the exam room sitting side by side on the exam table, ages 8 and 10. I say to the 10 year old "You are going to have to take your pants off because I need to have a look" He asks: "You need to see my penis?!" I say "Yes, but don't worry, it is a very quick look." The 8 year old brother turns to him and says "Yes, she needs to look at your penis, but don't worry she is a doctor, the government gives her permission to do that"

Th next day I found a Penis Inspector License (see image below) in my mailbox at work. And despite ample detective CSI type work on my part the culprit has still not claimed the deed.

These are a few other things I have heard and learned from kids:

1) I look pretty when I wear pink

2) Red nail polish is ONLY for Christmas

3) I have pretty hair

4) My hands are too cold

5) I should not be wearing heels to work, runners are more comfortable

6) I talk too much and ask too many questions

7) Tortoises dwell on land, turtles in water

8) "Dr. Lopez if you give needles kids will not like you"

9) Santa ALSO doesn't like doctors who give needles

10) Dora speaks better Spanish than me

11) The tooth fairy is cheap

11) My butt is WAY TOO big to fit in a small chair

There you have it. Out of the mouth of babes.

This child of mine

The child. The sun. The sand. The beach. He sits beside. That's summer gone he says but Fall is here and every season has it's charm. I nod. I sigh. He is wise this child of mine.

Before judging ...... ask!

I have a colleague, Dr. Barbara Fitzgerald, who has been speaking about poverty and particularly how poverty affects families in Canada for many years. A few weeks ago she published an article in the Vancouver Sun again speaking out about how few resources are available for these families. I come from Mexico and when I posted this link on facebook a few of my friends commented that they had no idea we had this kind of poverty in Canada. Well, there is.

I experience the effects of poverty on families a daily basis. My biggest revelation came from a mother who brought her kids to see me a few years ago. I try NEVER to be late to consult but this time I was about 15 minutes late to start, what kept me was probably not too terribly important so when I led them into the room I apologized for my delay. She very kindly said: "Dr. Lopez it's okay but we have to be finished in less that an hour and a half before my bus transfer runs out. I do not have the $5 dollars that the return bus ticket costs."

Then yesterday Dr. Fitzgerald published a response to another letter that accused the poor of being "lazy" for not preparing healthy meals for their children relying instead on giving them junk food. In it she writes: I am president of a charity called Mom to Mom, (which is online at m2mcharity.ca). We pair women with other moms to offer a caring alternative to the judgment they often have levelled at them."

I have also seen this judgment that she mentions often. 

My children went to a little Catholic School that is in wealthy area of Vancouver, but this school also services a nearby First Nations community in which not everyone has everything they want. When a child showed up well into January without the dress code long blue pants but wore instead shorts and always showed up without a jacket the talk of the playground was that his mother was negligent. When I took the time to ask the mother if she needed help her response was; "You know we just can't afford the pants or the jacket for now." I told the principal and she provided both. The very next day the child showed up properly attired. Even after that some mothers still insisted that the lack of money was not true, to quote "She can't afford pants BUT she has a cell phone". To clarify, a cell phone is not always a luxury but a LIFELINE! How else will you get a job if you don't have a way to be contacted? How else will you call the police if you are in danger? 

In practice I try to teach residents and fellows to not judge and look beyond. A few months ago we saw a family in clinic, mother and two kids who were wearing dirty clothes and looked like they had not been "cared for". The resident suggested that we call the MCFD and notify them of the kids' states. My response was - hang on, let's find out what is going on and what we can do to help. Turned out this woman lives in a 36 apartment building with TWO available washers and dryers AND as she said "you have to sit next to them as you wash otherwise your clothes get stolen". She has two other young kids so she waits until her husband gets home to do laundry but by then it is dark and there are no hall lights in her building plus she has been assaulted in her building in the past. So .... no clean clothes. 

The lesson: Before judging .......... ask. Before judging .............. offer help.

PS. Dr. Fitzgerald as mentioned above is the president Mom to Mom. Find it online www.m2mcharity.ca and offer your time, a donation or just get informed.

Extraordinary

September has always seemed the month for renewal, contrary to January where things just go on, September is always filled with promise. A new year full of new stuff. After the lull of summer, new school year, new patients, new grants, new research, new boots ;) Add to that the new, almost age of 49 and the need for renewal grows. You see, I am slowly approaching the NOW WHAT? age.

In case you don't know what the NOW WHAT? age is, it is that time in life when you ask yourself just that - NOW WHAT? I have teenage kids who are almost completely independent. I am fairly proficient at my job. I am doing research that I love. I am in fairly decent fit shape. I am happy, NOW WHAT?

So, I've been thinking maybe it is time to do something extraordinary. Maybe it is time to join Doctors without borders (I have been wanting to do this for years!) and go fight Ebola. Maybe it is time to renew the Harvard contacts and take the job. Maybe it is time to climb Mount Everest. Maybe it is time to go on some exhaustive self reflective walk on El Camino de Santiago in Spain. Maybe I need to do the Totem to Totem Haida Gwaii Marathon. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

And then this morning as if on cue to my do-something-extraordinary-quest, one of my three calming apps (yes, in my own weird overachiever way I have downloaded not one but THREE calming apps on my iPhone: Calm, Be Calm and Simply Being) wakes me up with my daily reminder to be mindful: "Today, take the time to notice the ordinary things in life that make you happy".

So, I started noticing, first the ordinary fact that made me happy was that I managed to unload the one-more-day-and-it-will-be-too-late-to-eat-bananas in the kid's lunches. But then it got better, it made me happy to see that there was still some of the two gallon OJ I bought two days ago in the fridge, ordinary. Then it made me happy to see that the rain has stopped and we had sun, ordinary (but not as much as the fruit related ordinary events, we agree?). On and on it went, happy after happy ordinary stuff.

Then it was the ordinary happy time to drop the teenagers off at school, their first day of school. Sebastian, a by now veteran in Grade 11 and Benjamin a new Grade 8. Both of them in their gray pants, white collared button down shirt, blue tie and blue blazer (a la Dead Poets Society as my friend would say).

I drive, happy in the sun, happy with the ordinary fact that there was no traffic. At the corner I stop and let them out and as I watch them walk away it hits me - THERE IT IS!! MY EXTRAORDINARY feat already done, two boys walking away side by side, talking and laughing, confident, kind, lovely - EXTRAORDINARY!

16

The light goes on. The door opens. The 6 foot child walks in. He says I'm home. He sits on the edge of the bed. He sighs. His mother asks is all all right? Yes he says, it's all okay. Did something happen? No, he says, just life that happens. Life? Yeah, just life that happens. I reach over and squeeze his hand. He lifts his frame up off the bed. Good night, I love you he says and walks away.

Tribute to my "new" country.

Today was Canada Day, my first as an official citizen of this beautiful country. We (and what seemed to be all other British Columbians living on the lower mainland) made our way to the low tide at Spanish Banks. The traffic was brutal, there was nowhere to park but everyone was civilized, no honking, no insults, no cutting in line, no taking advantage of the people waiting for cherished parking spots. In summary all very CANADIAN.

We set up camp between a large Filipino family and a large group of students. #1 went off to find the good tide pools for skim boarding while #2 and I sat. He, under the umbrella and complaining of the heat (this child has ZERO Mexican DNA - you should know) and me, sitting in the sun. We lounged there in peace and enjoyed the day.

As I sat there looking at the cargo ships, the North Shore mountains, some still covered in snow, the beautiful beach in low tide, the sound of the ocean, all kinds of families BBQing, children laughing, children playing in the sand, people walking by, people flying kites, beach volleyball everywhere, Sebastian with his bright orange shirt skim boarding and Benjamin by my side with a book in his hands my only thought was: I LIVE IN PARADISE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CANADA!