The weeks before Christmas

If you work with children like I do you HAVE to like Christmas. This one holiday along with Halloween provides the easiest questions to break the ice with children. Between "what are you going to be for Halloween?" and "what do you want for Christmas?" you've got the entire season covered. From October to December the conversations are easy no matter what developmental concerns there are.

So far this week I have gotten an idea of the popular toys, Big Hugs Elmo seems to be a good one. iPads are a frequent request and of course there is always good old Thomas the Train (amazing how 14 years later and I can STILL name all trains, their colors and their numbers! IMPRESSIVE eh?). A child this week told me he would like a beluga, when I said to his mother that should be easy (thinking buy a stuffed one or a plastic one) she said: "Oh no, not easy, he wants the real one at the aquarium". But the kiddo who took the cake was the one who negotiated with his mother to get on the scale to be weighed ONLY if Santa would bring him a puppy. Needless to say I stayed out of that particular negotiation.

I have also gotten insider information about the "good" Santas. As I posted on facebook the word on the street is that the one at the Oakridge Mall is not very good as he does not bring you what you want but the one at Metrotown is a good one because he brings what you ask for.

Other information provided to me this season includes stuff like "We can't have turkey at home because we don't eat birds" (when I made the mistake of asking a vegan child if he was going to eat turkey) or "My Dad cooks the turkey in the backyard" (after more questions I found out it is a deep fried turkey) or "My Mum is in charge of Christmas because my Dad can't cook and my grandma sleeps all the time".

One of the kids asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I was dumbfounded, I hadn't thought of it and could not come up with an answer..... what do I want? After a while I thought I don't want anything because I don't NEED anything, isn't that that great?!

I would like other people and particularly children to have what they need though so in order to give kids what they need AND make a difference I will give UNICEF's survival gifts. YES, sad but true, SURVIVAL gifts, the ONE aim of these gifts is for children to SURVIVE, not to be happy or care free but to survive. Like I said, sad but very very unfortunately true.

If you are like me and have everything you need consider this and GIVE this holiday season. Wouldn't it be great to know somehow you have made a difference? Happy Holidays!

https://secure3.unicef.ca/site/Ecommerce/1657021215?FOLDER=0&store_id=1201&gclid=CIfj85qen7sCFRHZQgodREkA5Q

LIFE

Even when you think you are prepared for a friend to die and you have not seen them in a long time, the pain is still abysmal. Even when you are thankful and know it is for the best that they are at peace now, there is still an enormous void. The sudden overwhelming pain at the "expected" news takes your breath away. It takes you by surprise despite the fact that you always knew this was going to happen and in the last little while you knew it could happen any minute. 

Her presence is in every high school memory I have. She always had a smile on her face. When we were growing up her house was the place where we would gather for lunch and talk endlessly. Hours and hours of talk. Discussions about boys mostly, but also the future, what our plans were and where we saw ourselves going. This continued during University even though we all went our different way, we would still have the weekend get togethers at her house. 

We took many trips to the beach together. I remember renting this dinky apartment in Acapulco and then every day walking to the beach at El Cano, where we would lie on our towels, eating coconut and jicama with lemon and chile that we had bought from the beach vendors and talking, talking, talking, all the time. I remember having to coordinate ourselves to fool the guards at the hotel entrace so we could cool off in their hotel pool which was off-limits to non-guests. I remember going for a long walk on the beach with her and on the way back throwing a towel in front of us for every step and then jumping on to it together because the sand was so hot. We couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous that was.

I remember when and how she met her husband. One day I want to sit down with her children and tell them about it, it makes for a great love story. I remember her wedding dress. I remember her wedding. I remember her decorating her new house. I remember her pregnant. I remember seeing her face when I showed up to meet her children as newborns and I remember her looking lovely.  I remember. I remember. I remember.

I know she ADORED  her children. One time she took her first born to one of those commercial auditions and he got chosen to be in a major add campaign for a large department store. I remember her proudly beaming while pointing out his smiley face on a few billboards in Mexico City. I remember her kids had dropped a marble in her brand new van and we couldn't find it so it would roll back and forth with every brake of the car, at first it was annoying but then it became a great source of fun. "WHERE is the GOD DAMN ghost marble? WHERE did you kids drop it?". She was incredibly generous, most of my children's first clothes were hand me downs from her. She was wise, I remember her giving Sebastian a plate of jello to play with and giving me plenty of advice when she was a much more experienced mother than I was. I remember. I remember. I remember.

I really do not recall ever seeing her in a bad mood and I know I am sounding like every other person who has ever written a tribute mentioning only the good things, but in this I am truthful. She was funny. She was ALIVE. She was caring. She would get worried. She was scared sometimes. She would get angry but not very often. Mostly, she was HAPPY.

I saw very little of her decline as I was living in Canada by then but we were born one day apart so we would always catch up on our birthdays and see each other when I was in Mexico City. She was one of those friends with whom you can start every new conversation as if you had seen each other the day before. Then one year I noticed she was disorganized in her thoughts and she could not follow our phone conversation. That same year I started hearing she wasn't remembering things and had a hard time with other tasks. Eventually this led to her diagnosis and the expected decline. I saw her a few years ago and despite her situation I thought she could hear me and laugh with me but maybe I was just being optimistic and WANTED her to hear me and laugh with me.

Today, as I sit here with this hole in my heart I have decided that what I need to do is to remember her LIFE. Today, my mind is full of her and I will smile and celebrate every time I think of her. 

 

48

48 TODAY!! Life continues to lack clarity. Loving continues to leave traces. Some things just ARE (yep, in caps, ARE. End. Of.) To quote the Indigo Girls: "the less I seek my source for some definitives the closer I am to fine". Think BRAIN not BLAME. Grab every opportunity to add a new chapter to your life. Gravity takes a toll. The people that should go to nudie beaches can NEVER be found at nudie beaches. There is value in getting lost. LOVE, but more importantly SHOW LOVE. GIVE. En vida. BE MINDFUL OF EVERY MOMENT and MAKE VIDEOS IN YOUR HEAD!!! Remember your loved ones. If you miss someone, let them know. If someone makes you happy, let them know! You know that expression: doubled over with grief?, it happens. Accept compliments. If you see someone who needs help - HELP!! Do not give out personal information to strangers (NOOO it doesn't matter how friendly they seem). Listen to you own advice!!! There are many ways of saying no that do not require the word no. No toda distancia es ausencia ni todo silencio es olvido. Rainy days are good for getting stuff done. Ryan Gosling is a thing of beauty. I have a REALLY hard time with uncertainty. Unfortunately, I have an almost pathological need to REMAIN, this causes a lot of havoc. Accept the kindness of strangers and pay it forward. "Angels" come in more than one form ie. they don't always float and they hardly ever have wings ;). I'm "rejection sensitive" (who isn't huh?). Maybe walking away is NOT always the answer. Multitasking is OVERrated, ONE thing at a time. I CAN be serene. Restorative yoga - enough said. I'm not aggressive, I'm "goal oriented". I LOVE what I do and I do it well. Giving bad news continues to suck. 15 year olds (not unlike 14 year olds) continue to hate public displays of attention and it looks like 12 year olds suffer from the same affliction. NOBODY watches TV shows when they are on, EVERYBODY tapes them. I am unhip. The best place to have serious conversations is during long trips in the car (kids are sequestered and there's no need to make eye contact). According to Benjamin: "You don't need to speak Spanish to navigate a woman's body", I agree. Benjamin is wise. No matter how much he rolls he eyes I KNOW #1 LOVES ME! (insert whisper here - don't tell anyone but often in the dark and when no one is watching he TELLS me he loves me!). Running is by far the best therapy. ZZ Ward and David Myles make for upbeat happy running. I'm SEMI handy - surprise! I can get high on the power that comes with pressure washing. Sunny days are for PLAYING oUTSIDE!  Remember, it is NOT nagging IT IS LOVE. Leave a mark in this world and make it a GOOD one! Life is ONE breath, ONE breath! So ... BREATHE!!! Love TODAY. Do TODAY. Feel TODAY. Learn TODAY. Kiss TODAY. Hug TODAY. LIVE TODAY!!! En vida. En vida. En vida. For the next year I urge myself to be ardent, impassioned, kind, zealous, passionate, tender, thoughtful and considerate but most of all I urge myself to start another FULLY MINDFUL rotation around the sun.

47

HOLY RELAMPAGOS I woke up this morning and all of a sudden I'm 47!! HOW did that happen??!! Here are last year's lessons: Miracles DO happen, Mexico CAN beat Brazil in soccer. Always, always be kind, with every word and every action BE KIND! Do not expect loyalty where there is no loyalty to expect. Sometimes, it is better to just walk away. 14 year olds (not unlike 13 year olds) HATE public di...splays of affection. I gave birth to really witty children. Apparently I nag just a little too much. I suspect in a previous life I was British given my affliction for period pieces and Downton Abbey. I eat out of a doggie bowl. It's a very GOOD thing I listened to the warnings against buying into the Facebook IPO. If you are not having a good day borrow a baby to hold. I am weird and logical. I can't bake. Turns out it's all about impact not intent. Take time to remember loved ones. There are very few choices when it comes to grief. Sun euphoria leads to painful injuries and black eyes. I gotta relax and let life just ... happen. Remember to CREATE and explore new knowledge every day. Im SOLAR POWERED! Apologize for your mistakes. Giving bad news STILL and I suspect will ALWAYS SUCK. Blue eyes make me feel sexy. Rape IS rape. Oldies are still goodies. The new song to cross triumphant finish lines in races - Hall of Fame by The Script. Keep eating chocolate, it may win you a Nobel. If you eat too much chocolate you gain weight - duh!!!! I LOVE bluegrass music and Chris Thile rocks! Running is THE best therapy. To quote my brother: "nobody is really paying that much attention to what you do so allow yourself to dance". Always be kindly blunt, straightforward and upfront. Say it and do it IN LIFE! The people I work with are pretty awesome and darn tooting respectful. For the record I voted FOR hugs (see below). Cuddle and read sessions should be held as often as possible. Pricey sneakers and good bras are well worth their price. There is ABSOLUTELY no trading IQ points especially NOT for bigger breast! SQUAT do not sit! Ann Coulter is an insensitive bitch. Never underestimate the power of a good hair day. Sometimes in life there is just no winning so settle for the lesson. Time puts color in everything. I am not condescending I'm often thinking of important stuff that other people would never understand . I look good in blue. Its ok, and I don't have to feel guilty if I want to stay indoors and nap every weekend from November to May - bears do it, no big deal. And last but not least I'm NOT loud I'm just Mexican. Oh! hang on, one more, being closer to 50 does not get you any closer to understanding the "meaning" of life -so keep searching or maybe just LIVING! By the way: WIDE OPEN FOR HUGS TODAY (particularly non -respectful ones) :))))))

46

Well, here it is, 46. What have I learned in the last year?

Life lacks clarity. Loving leaves traces . There is no unencumbered path, so ... Suck. It. Up. Old friends can be new friends. A sexy pair of shoes is ALWAYS worth it. Kale is a superfood so eat it! DO NOT PANIC if you forget stuff, its unlikely to be early Alzheimer. Harvard can wait. Working with children leads to looong lingering cold...s. True friends tell you true things. 13 year olds HATE public displays of affection. I love my job and the people I work with. Giving bad news sucks. Linkin Park will make me run faster and longer. The last 500 meters of every race should be run to the tune of Hedley's Invincible. My children are THE coolest kids around. Reading by the fireplace is one of the best things to do while on this planet. Do not neglect your yearly mammogram. Not all relationships are reciprocal so do what makes you happy. Downhill mountain biking was NOT a good idea. And last but certainly not least ...... fish fart!!!

45

I am 45 years old today. I have hugged and kissed my children daily. I climbed 48
floors in 12 minutes and ran my first 10 km race! I have enjoyed and rejoiced
in every new experience. I have also sunk a little but not drowned in some
amount of turmoil, pain and despair. I have had my arms open to welcome
whatever life throws my way and all experiences have left me with a few
valuable lessons. Today is a good day.

Queen of the nerds.

Today I got back from the annual American Society of Human Genetics (ASHG) meeting in Boston, a bacchanalian feast of new knowledge, new technology, new cases, new unknown diagnoses and overall cool stuff.

Every two to three years there is a new "theme", in DC it was genome wide association studies (GWAS) and EVERYBODY was presenting their findings. This year the prevailing theme was whole exome sequencing (WES) which was used over and over and over again for finding new genes and while it is always cool to find new stuff after the first few presentations it was like, duh!! and frankly it got a little repetitive. On top of it all, VERY little clinical information was presented to tell us clinicians what to look for so that is disappointing. The take home message this year was: until you have money to do exomes on a regular basis you will continue to be stuck with puzzles you cannot solve.

The other great part of this meeting is the reunion of colleagues, people from all over the world that you have at some point been in contact with and you don't get to see regularly - all nerds like you, trolling the halls of the convention center, getting excited about genetics and talking science. How cool is THAT?

So it got me thinking: How nerdy can one be among the nerds? Well, here are a few of the excessively nerdy things that would put one in the Queen of the nerds category.

1) You make sure you got dressed up everyday JUST in case you happen to unexpectedly run into Karl Deisseroth because you are his number 1 groupie.

2) You sit there during lunch and gawk at Genetic celebrities and legends who walk by like normal people would at an LA celebrity tour.

3) You walk by a group of people meeting during lunch and overhear "How bad was the macrocephaly?" and you secretly hope you could sit at their table and join the discussion.

4) You curse the organizer who scheduled two cool presentations at the same time.

5) You avoid all population genetics lectures because that is where the REAL nerds hang out.

6) You make sure to find the most efficient way to get from one lecture hall to the other without missing the start of the presentation.

7) You consider buying the new edition of the Smith book but then start looking through it and recognize EVERY picture while saying "that was in the old one" and realize there is not much they have added so it not worth the moola.

8) You sit there and gasp in awe when JB Lawrence talks about Xist and trisomy 21 while getting goose bumps despite having read her paper a few times before and then make sure you LEAD the standing ovation.

I think I qualify for the title, Queen of the Nerds!!!!

Nagging IS loving behaviour!!

At home I live in a world of men. Let's be clear, I gave birth to a couple of good eggs, they are in essence, very good humans, compassionate, kind, aware of others needs, intelligent, they study hard, behave well and in general cause very little trouble.

But lately the resident pre-teenager, the resident teenager and I have been having this ongoing issue at home. Tidy the corner, brush your teeth, take a shower, why are you wearing the same shirt from yesterday's soccer practice, no, you cannot eat fries for the 7th day in a row, whose gross socks are these in the middle of the stairs, etc... In summary, according to them, I nag too much.

So I've been thinking. what exactly is nagging and what is loving behaviour? What is that blurry line that differentiates nag from love? And today the answer finally came to me! Ready? If the nagging implies future well being then ........................... drumroll please .............. IT IS LOVE!!! If I can follow my "nagging" with a question or statement that predicts future well being then I should be absolved from the sin right?

Okay, here goes.

1) Brush and floss your teeth. Do you want to have teeth when you are 80? --- LOVE!

2) NO MORE FRIES!!. Do you want to live past 60? ---- LOVE!

3) DO NOT wear yesterday's soccer practice shirt AGAIN! Do you want people to come close to you? --- LOVE!

4) Wash your face. Do you want to be free of flesh eating disease? ---- LOVE! (ok, ok that one is a little apocalyptic but it will probably work)

5) Shower. Do you want to be free of all diseases? ---- LOVE!

6) Mind your table manners. Do you want to go to a lunch job interview and get the job? ---- LOVE!

6) Tidy the corner ........... mmmmmmmhhhhhh having a hard time with this one so maybe I'll give ---- NAG!

But to save you all the trouble of having this debate at home I will give you the MOST important pre-teen and teen parenting advice you have ever been given. Another drumroll please. You can add: "Do you want to have a girlfriend?" to any and all of the above and be EFFECTIVE! Plus you'll have to use a lot less words.

Be prepared!

Today in clinic one of my patients asked: "How old are you Dr. Lopez?" Ever the developmental pediatrician I turned the question around and asked: "Well, how old do you think I am?" After sheepishly turning to her mother and her mother reassuringly telling her that she could answer the question she said: "Maybe about 80?" God. Bless. Her. Soul.

Last weekend, #2 and I were going out for a bike ride and as soon as I got on my bike I realized my back tire was flat so I turned to B and said "Crap B, we have an air problem" to which he quickly replied "Or .... do we have a weight problem?" I laughed and went to smack him on the head before I realized he had a helmet on and I would have hurt myself. Smart ass.

What is it about kids that they can so unabashedly put forth their opinion? Somedays I really wish I was 5 and had the opportunity to boldly say everything I am thinking. If you know me at all I am not one to go around life in full verbal restraint, quite the contrary. I say what I mean .... most of the time and I think also most of the time I do it kindly. I think, as we in the profession would say, have pretty decent social skills. Then again maybe I should take an official poll.

I run across people with all kinds of social skills (and lack thereof). If you read my facebook posts you would know that last week I was asked if I was high because of my fake blue eyes. This woman just out right asked about the weird size of my pupils. At first I thought .. hang on .. what did she just ask? And then I thought kudos to her to be bold and ask if the doctor treating her child is using drugs. I don't think I would have had the guts to ask myself frankly. Was it lack of social skills or gumption and assurance? I say the latter.

The secret here is the meaning one gives to the comment - think it funny and not insulting and it becomes fun and witty. Think it insulting and it's hurtful. Think it bold and forward and it becomes a statement on self-assurance.

So from now on I choose not to assume any wrongful/weird/odd intention in any comments and/or action. If I do not know what they mean - I WILL ASK! Be prepared!!

Plane rides - Yuck!

When does one go from being the perfect traveler (as I used to be) to being the phlueeezzze-do-not-sneeze-cough-or-have-any-other-health-related-symptom-fellow-seatmate uptight anal traveler?

When do you go from: la-di-da I love planes to CRAP that guy in the row in front of us just blew his nose TWICE, TWWWWICE? When did I go from: I'll just read sit here in my (very small) seat and read my book quietly to HANG OOOON didn't that lady JUST go to the bathroom a minute ago, WHY is she going AGAIN?

I'LL TELL YOU! You become that traveler when you work with children day in and day out and have come to realize the power of a single sneeze, the power of a single, cute, but nonethless grubby boogery hand on the ball you are throwing back and forth, the power of a mild cough on the dollhouse you have chosen to use for playing.

YES! THAT is when it happens!!! Despite the fact that we get daily, DAILY e-mails warning workers and parents NOT to attend the hospital if you or your child is sick. Despite the fact that two years ago during the H1N1 epidemic we were fitted with special state of the art masks and DESPITE the not voluntary flu shot.

Seeing as how we go to such measures to prevent this kind of spread in the health care system why not try it on the travel industry. I can see a we-are-taking-your-temperature station right next to the homeland security X-ray machine. Walk right up, "let us place this in your ear: 37 C - go ahead sir/madam, you are good to go". "Next - 38 C - neeeeeeh! (cue bright lights, alarm and a big THIS TRAVELER MAY BE SICK sign) sorry sir/madam you cannot travel today"

We could also have a quick viral/bacterial/parasitic screen a la Star Trek. Beep de doo, beep de doo (or some other much cooler sound like ZIIIIINNNNGGGG) scanner with some kind of state of the art laser thingie. Scan, deduct personal non-pathogenic microbiome, find bad bugs and .... DONE!! Yes, you can travel or no, you are staying put.

Am I sounding too Aldous Huxley-ish? I probably am, but wouldn't that save us a lot of grief? Having spent that last two holidays and/or after holidays with either brutal GI and/or respiratory symptoms I support a world wide airport health surveillance system (sell that in Obamacare eh?).

Imagine, there would be no need for a Measles health alert at the Houston airport. We could have stopped the spead of HIV, Ebola (has that spread? excuse my ignorance), stop the spread of polio, TB, rubella, chicken pox, rotavirus, norovirus (you get the picture) plus the very worrisome swine, bird or whatever the animal du jour flu. We could in general make ME okay for all future holidays.

 I say WELL worth the investment :))) d'accord?

Lenten anniversary

I was reminded that it was last year during my brief, okay, very brief, foray into Lenten self denial that I started to write this blog. Happy Annivesary!

People have decided what they are giving up for Lent by now, actually they should be already 48 hours into their misery. Many of them chose to give up Facebook, god knows what they are thinking since we all know that one is a doozy. I know it's a doozy, been there, done that, okay done it for a few days - Did. Not. Work.

Besides how do we keep all of the Lenten facebook giver uppers accountable? For all we know they look at posts all day long in secret during their work breaks, furtively look at their facebook app under the table during important meetings, hide under the blankets at night and turn the phone on to check on us all or wake up in the middle of the night and sneakily take the phone or laptop to the bathroom because the withdrawal is unbearable and they are starting to shake and shiver thinking "WHAT AM I MISSING?" OH YEAH -- IT'S FACEBOOK!! Not that I would know how that feels like of course, I'm not some kind of weird facebook junkie :)

So here's the deal. There really is no need to give anything up, the secret is SELF REGULATION. So for Lent I will .... SELF REGULATE.

First, I will nag less ..... hhhmmmmm sitting here thinking and changing my mind about that one. Lack of nagging leads to lack of finished tasks that then become my tasks so..... no, forget that one.

Second, I will drink less Diet Coke ...... hang on that will make me cranky and I will annoy everyone else and make Lent miserable for them. Really, me drinking the right amount of Diet Coke makes everyone's life better so in reality it is a public service I offer to the world. No need to regulate that one, as a matter of fact - you are welcome people of the world

Third, I will eat less chocolate .... whoa! is that wise? I would hate to single handedly affect chocolate sales and bring the entire industry to a halt. Nope, forget that one too, it is absolutely necessary that I continue to support the world's economy.

Fourth, I will post less ..... wait people ENJOY my posts, another public service I offer (I'm thinking I deserve a well earned medal) so why take away my friends enjoyment and happiness for my own sick purposes.

Well, well, well, it looks like I am doing everything right. So to all of you reading this enjoy the next 40 days I know I will. And may I just say again - YOU ARE WELCOME!