Room to grow.

2014 is ending, although the date is really arbitrary as there are always endings and beginnings. But it does cause pause for self-reflection.

It has been a happy year with the occasional stops for achievements and heartache. Love lost and love gained. Happy and sad moments.

I don't make resolutions, all of the published evidence says I will not keep them.

I could half-ass them and as I do with my to do list where I write something I have already done so I feel better. I could resolve to do something that I know is not that difficult and at least keep one of my resolutions. Debunk the science so to speak, but that would be cheating.

So what do I want out of the brand new spanking year?

I want room to grow (and I do not mean grow my behind).

I want room to inspire and be inspired.

I want room to love.

I want room to study, learn and accomplish.

I want room to forgive, repair and make amends.

I want room to see and enjoy my friends and appreciate them.

I want room to grow.

Happy endings.

This last weekend I spent WAY too much time on the Hallmark channel watching feel good movies. WAAAY too much time. Yes, that is what I do when I can't run outside because it is pissing rain, going to the gym to run on the treadmill is boring (plus it only takes two hours out of your day), I have baked my heart out (scones, muffins and shortbread) and it is STILL raining PLUS I feel like spending the whole day in my pajamas because it is STILL raining.

So the end result was a weekend of love-can-conquer-all intoxication and a two day you-are-the-ONLY-one-for-me hangover. Better than Tequila to achieve a feel good endorphin fuelled weekend.

However, the fact is that there are very few happy endings, most people do not get to walk off into the sunset while some inspiring music plays in the background. Even after a happy ending, most people in real life wonder. After all of the credits end most people (even in the best movie) will wake up the next day and wonder: did I do the right thing? is she/he REALLY the one?

If movies really showed us reality this is what they would show the morning after.

She/He really may NOT be the one because:

- who knew she/he snored like a truck!

-  this morning at breakfast she/he is chewing with her mouth open.

-  I just got a text from my ex-girlfriend/boyfriend and she/he wants me back.

Now, THAT is a lot more realistic but it doesn't sell so for now I will stick to the fake stuff on TV - at least on rainy days.

Things that I own

Whenever we think about ownership we think about things. Things you have, a car, a house, a mortgage.

Yesterday, I had to write an e-mail where I made a case for other types of "things" that I own and that I consider mine. After that I sat there pondering what else do I own? What else is mine and no one else's?

I own the day I decided to come to Canada.

I own that phone call and exhilarating feeling of accomplishment I felt when I defended my thesis and called my Dad from the UBC campus to say "I've done it, I passed"

I own that moment when I found out I was pregnant for the first time and did not tell anyone at all, no one at all. I wanted to sit with it for a while. This was mine.

I own the phone calls of expectation when Sebastian took his own long sweet time to arrive.

I own that day when Sebastian was 6 weeks old and we went to the beach on a cool June morning and we sat together, me with a book and him by my side.

I own the bewilderment of finding out that Benjamin was on his unexpected way and I own the abject fear of losing him after he was born.

I own my arrival at the airport after writing my RCPS exam and I own the time my Dad spent in front of the computer pushing the refresh button on the RCPSC website until my pass was made official.

I own the level headedness, company and friendship Michael has given me.

I own the frustration and anger I feel every time I see a child with special needs who is being bullied.

I own every mindful moment I have had that has reminded me to be mindful.

I own walks by a river, runs on the beach, biking on trails, dinners at sunset, looks out a window, cuddles on couches and sitting by fires.

I own all of my long talks with friends. I own my gratitude when friends listened.

I own the memories I have made with other people. Those are mine and maybe theirs if they want them, but they are mostly mine.

To sum it all up, I own the contentment of my life.